IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people argue that it is not wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young yet inexperienced individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #industry #workers #individuals
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People have different views about the
employees
Suggestion
employees'
experience
 and age working in an organisation. In my opinion, the workforce of an organisation differs from
industry
 to
industry
. Experienced staff plays an important factor in
sector
Suggestion
the sector
,
such
 as Medical and Education, and success of
such
 sector mostly depends on professional employee. In a clinic or a hospital people would mostly trust the doctors who have several years of
experience
, particularly while performing an operation.
In other words
, in a surgery an inexperienced doctor can jeopardize the life of the patient, unless accompanied with an
experience
Suggestion
experienced
 doctor.
For example
, the research conducted by the Cambridge University states that, the risk of patient life in surgery increased by 70% in the absence of an experienced surgeon.
Furthermore
,
experience
 is directly related to the number of years worked.
As a result
, experienced staff is always preferred in
such
industry
.
On the other hand
, manufacturing
industry mostly
Accept comma addition
industry, mostly
 requires a young workforce. The turnaround time of manufacturing a product is an important factor. To elaborate, raw material purchased may need to be consumed in the process
on
Suggestion
of
 time, to minimise the inventory cost. Manufacturing work requires dealing with heavy machineries, working in high temperature and lifting large objects which require young an energetic employees, and
such
 task may not be possible by aging people.
For instance
, according to The Ford, a giant US car manufacturer, yearly analysis in operation, states that people above 40 years of age are more prone to accident while working, as compared to employees under 35 years of age. In conclusion, the experienced older workers may have an important role to play in the healthcare
industry
; whereas young employees are required in the manufacturing
industry
 where not much
experience
 is required.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • experienced
  • old workers
  • young
  • inexperienced
  • replace
  • industry
  • wise
  • argue
  • valuable
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • loss of expertise
  • lack
  • necessary
  • experience
  • maturity
  • diverse
  • workforce
  • mix
  • age groups
  • beneficial
  • focus
  • providing opportunities
  • continuous learning
  • development
  • balanced approach
  • smooth transition
  • maintain productivity
What to do next:
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