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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Despite huge improvements in healthcare, the overall standard of physical health in many developed countries is now falling. What could be the reason for this trend, and what can be done to reverse it?

#improvements #healthcare #health #countries #reason #trend
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It is true that the
health
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 sate of developed societies' members has been deteriorating, regardless of the outstanding progress in the medical field and
health
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 services. While the origin of that problem comes from some existing harmful factors, there are still relevant prompt actions that the whole societies should realize in
order
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 to at least address that issue. There are some reasons why the
health
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 conditions of the citizens in the developed countries become progressively worse, in spite of the outstanding performance of the healthcare entities.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the dramatic increase in the pollution
level
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 greatly contributed to the mutation of the environment in a way that creates harmful conditions for living, and people
therefore
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 started to suffer from several
health
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 problems.
For example
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, the exponential growth of the emitted toxic gases from vehicles and factories results in failing the quality of the air required for breathing.
This
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 leads to spread of respiratory disorders among people,
such
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 as bronchial asthma and pulmonary diseases.
Secondly
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, the sedentary lifestyle which people adopt, causes negative consequence related to their
health
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 state
This
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 is because people become less active and refuse to practice exercises and the sport, so their immunity
level
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 declined to a worrying degree and they get easily attacked by different pathogenic micro-organisms.
Finally
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, the wide spread of junk food among individuals’ meals led to the uprising
level
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 of obesity, which results in several
health
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 problems,
such
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 as heart diseases and osteoarthritis.
However
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, there are some relevant steps that could be followed in
order
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 to regain the
health
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 strength
level
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. One core solution, the authority should improve the quality of public transportation system performance in
order
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 to encourage people to use it, rather than their own vehicle.
Thus
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, the amount of toxic gases could be declined to an absolute minimum, and the air pollution degree could be declined to a lesser extent.
Also
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, society members should contribute to support the recycle process by separate their trash into different bins, so that they can decrease the amount of their household waste which is considered to be a good environment for harmful organisms.
Furthermore
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, people should lead a healthy lifestyle by regularly practicing of sports or doing exercise in
order
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 to get rid of excess harmful calories and to strengthen their immunity
level
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 against serious pathogenic viruses and bacteria.
Besides
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, individual persons should depend heavily on healthy food as a main source of their diet,
such
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 as vegetables and fruits in
order
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 to get their requirement of mineral and vitamins which lead better
health
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 conditions. In conclusion, the whole society should collaborate in
order
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 to follow relevant and diverse guidelines, so that they can support the
health
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 state and stop factors leading to serious illness.
Submitted by ramysafwat85 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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