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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph compared the amount of Beef, Pork, Broilers meat and poultry consumed in US in from the year 1955 to 2012.

The graph compared the amount of Beef, Pork, Broilers meat and poultry consumed in US in from the year 1955 to 2012.
#amount #beef #pork #broilers #meat #poultry #year
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Overall
Linking Words
beef
Use synonyms
 and pork were
initially
Linking Words
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 popular
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of meats.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the figure for
broilers
Use synonyms
 and
turkey
Use synonyms
were fluctuated
Change to the active voice
fluctuated
have fluctuated
show examples
 in the
pried
Correct your spelling
period
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 (1961 and 2012). In the first
year
Use synonyms
 (1955), the amount of
Beef
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased significantly
while
Linking Words
 the figure for Pork
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dropped slightly, with 60 and 50
pounds
Use synonyms
/
Use synonyms
person
Change preposition
per person
show examples
 respectively. There reach in peak in 1976 with 90
pounds
Use synonyms
 of
Beef
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Pork
consumption
Use synonyms
 was
fewer
Correct quantifier usage
less
show examples
 than
Beef
Use synonyms
 which was approximately
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
40
pounds
Use synonyms
/
Use synonyms
person
Change preposition
per person
show examples
. There
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fluctuated
Replace the word
fluctuation
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,
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 40
pounds
Use synonyms
 by 2012,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 amount of
Beef
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fall gradually, to nearly 50
pounds
Use synonyms
/
person
Use synonyms
. At the beginning
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 1961,
Broilers
Use synonyms
 and
Turkey
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 appeared, from 5 to 50
pounds
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, respectively.
Broilers
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 and
Turkey
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 consumed gradually, for the years 1989 to 1991, in one-yearly intervals. In the
year
Use synonyms
 1994, the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of
Broilers
Use synonyms
 took over from
Use synonyms
Turkey
Change noun form
Turkey's
show examples
consumption
Use synonyms
50
Change preposition
of 50
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pounds
Use synonyms
/
Use synonyms
person
Change preposition
perperson
show examples
while
Linking Words
 there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 15
pounds
Use synonyms
/
Use synonyms
person
Change preposition
perperson
show examples
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
Turkey
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
. In the rest number of
Use synonyms
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
, both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
consumption
Use synonyms
 (
Broilers
Use synonyms
 and
Turkey
Use synonyms
) fluctuated.
At the end
Linking Words
 of the
year
Use synonyms
 (2012), the amount of
Broilers
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 surpassed
Beef
Use synonyms
, at 55
pounds
Use synonyms
/
Use synonyms
person
Change preposition
per person
show examples

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast, while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words beef, broilers, turkey, year, pounds, person, consumption with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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