IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people think that schools have to be more entertaining, while others think that their sole purpose is to educate. Which do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

#people #schools #purpose #support
With the advent of urbanization and rise in economic standards, many people across the globe, now consider shopping as a leisure activity. Personally, I am strongly convinced that,
this
 trend may have many detrimental impacts on a person’s financial growth. In
this
 essay, I shall discuss how
this
 ongoing trend could have deleterious effects on our lives. Ever since the industrial revolution, markets are filled with many varieties of products. With the recent economic avalanche, consumers are now able to afford to buy many expensive products which may have little to no use in the near future. In order to main their high social status, many people tend to buy products which are far beyond their affordable range,
as a result
, often times they suffer from overwhelming financial debts.
This
 is borne out by a study completed at the University of Melbourne that more than 90% credit card debts are the result of overgrowing shopping addiction among people.
However
, for some people, doing shopping with their loved ones could be a wonderful opportunity to spend some quality time together, but there are many other healthier alternatives available, which could be equally fun as shopping.
For example
, a recent study published by Oxford University illustrated that, those families who spend most of their free time playing any sport are less likely to suffer from any mental distress.
Further
 to
this
, teenagers, struggling with
this
 addiction, often commit many serious criminal offences
such
 as stealing, which could result in either heavy penalty or imprisonment for many years. In conclusion, it is probably certainly the case that many people are enjoying
this
 ongoing trend of shopping.
Nonetheless
, I am still convinced that
this
 habit could be extremely detrimental in the near future.
Submitted by gknaruto608 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: