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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays many people believe that children should be taught history in school, however, others Ague that children should learn subjects that are more helpful for modern everyday life. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

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In the current day,
although
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 some people believe that
history
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 subject must be taught in
school
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, others argue that
children
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 have to learn more about current modern subjects.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and give my personal perspective. On the one hand, currently, some people think that studying
history
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 in
school
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 has huge advantages for
children
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, yet it would not produce a magnificent impact.
History
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 should not be taught in
school
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 because it is a subject that can be learned autodidactically without any guidance from teachers. To illustrate,
children
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 can easily study
history
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 on the internet with no assistance from teachers by watching a historical video on YouTube and reading articles with a
history
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 theme on Google.
In addition
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,
history
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 is a static subject with no significant changes throughout the decades. From
this
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 point of view, students should not spend too much time learning
history
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 in
school
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.
On the other hand
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, studying STEM-related subjects is more influential rather than focusing lessons on
history
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. Day by day,
massive
Correct article usage
the massive
show examples
 development of technology impacted the dynamic improvement of STEM-related material in schools like Mathematics and Computer Science.
For instance
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, five years ago, trigonometry was taught at the senior high
school
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 level. Meanwhile, nowadays, a junior high
school
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 student has already learned trigonometric lessons in
school
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.
This
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 example shows the dynamic enhancement of mathematics that has to be learned seriously nowadays.
To sum up
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,
while
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 many people believe that
children
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 have to be taught
history
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 subjects in
school
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, I firmly believe that mathematics and other STEM-related lessons will bring more valuable advantages to
children
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Your essay presents a balanced discussion of both views and includes a clear opinion. However, providing more specific examples and elaboration would strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to enhance the overall flow. Consider adding linking phrases or sentences to connect ideas more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-articulated, providing a clear framework for the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay maintains logical progression, making it easy to follow your argument.
task response
You address both viewpoints and provide a clear personal opinion, which fulfills the task requirements.
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