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Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of students who passed their high school competency exams, by subject and gender, during the period 2010-2011

The bar chart below shows the percentage of students who passed their high school competency exams, by subject and gender, during the period 2010-2011
#bar #percentage #students #school #competency #exams #gender #period
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The horizontal bar graph illustrates
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the percentage of students who passed their exams of high school by conditional and gender in the session 2010-2011. The data has been calibrated in
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. At the first glance, it is lucid that the rate of
boys
 was 34.6% and the bonus of
girls
 was 36.7% in physics exposed. But, in
chemistry
Add a comma
,chemistry
show examples
 the proportion of
girls
 was more than
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
boys
Change preposition
of boys
show examples
 which
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 calculated as 30.2% of
girls
 and 14.1% of
boys
.
Moreover
, in history,
subjectconditional
Correct your spelling
subject conditional
 the ratio of both
girls
 and
boys
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 and measured
as
Change preposition
at
show examples
 25.6% and 22.9%, respectively. Now,
chunk
Add an article
a chunk
the chunk
show examples
 of
boys
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 more than
girls
 in geography, which was recorded as 30.4% of
boys
 and 20.1% of
girls
. Probing
further
,
it is clear that
 there was
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
little difference in the exposed foreign language and mathematics of
boys
 and
girls
. The rate of
boys
 in both subjects was 46.8% and 48.4% and the proportion of
girls
 was 47.4% and 49.2% approximately.
However
, in the likely computer
science
Add a comma
,science
show examples
 the ratio of
girls
 ameliorate and
calculated
Add a missing verb
is calculated
show examples
 as 56.3% as the
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
boys
 is recorded as 42.1%.
Overall
, it is vividly seen that the
girls
 perform better in all
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 except one subject.
However
, the
boys
 take a lead only in geography subject.
Submitted by hmalik9677 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, girls with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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