The bar chart below shows the percentage of students who passed their high school competency exams, by subject and gender, during the period 2010-2011

The bar chart below shows the percentage of students who passed their high school competency exams, by subject and gender, during the period 2010-2011
The horizontal bar graph illustrates
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the percentage of students who passed their exams of high school by conditional and gender in the session 2010-2011. The data has been calibrated in
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. At the first glance, it is lucid that the rate of
boys
was 34.6% and the bonus of
girls
was 36.7% in physics exposed. But, in
chemistry
Add a comma
,chemistry
show examples
the proportion of
girls
was more than
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
boys
Change preposition
of boys
show examples
which
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
calculated as 30.2% of
girls
and 14.1% of
boys
.
Moreover
, in history,
subjectconditional
Correct your spelling
subject conditional
the ratio of both
girls
and
boys
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
and measured
as
Change preposition
at
show examples
25.6% and 22.9%, respectively. Now,
chunk
Add an article
a chunk
the chunk
show examples
of
boys
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
more than
girls
in geography, which was recorded as 30.4% of
boys
and 20.1% of
girls
. Probing
further
,
it is clear that
there was
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
little difference in the exposed foreign language and mathematics of
boys
and
girls
. The rate of
boys
in both subjects was 46.8% and 48.4% and the proportion of
girls
was 47.4% and 49.2% approximately.
However
, in the likely computer
science
Add a comma
,science
show examples
the ratio of
girls
ameliorate and
calculated
Add a missing verb
is calculated
show examples
as 56.3% as the
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
of
boys
is recorded as 42.1%.
Overall
, it is vividly seen that the
girls
perform better in all
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
except one subject.
However
, the
boys
take a lead only in geography subject.
Submitted by hmalik9677 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, girls with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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