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Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of students who passed their high school competency exams, by subject and gender, during the period 2010-2011

The bar chart below shows the percentage of students who passed their high school competency exams, by subject and gender, during the period 2010-2011
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The horizontal bar graph illustrates
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the percentage of students who passed their exams of high school by conditional and gender in the session 2010-2011. The data has been calibrated in
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. At the first glance, it is lucid that the rate of
boys
Use synonyms
 was 34.6% and the bonus of
girls
Use synonyms
 was 36.7% in physics exposed. But, in
chemistry
Add a comma
,chemistry
show examples
 the proportion of
girls
Use synonyms
 was more than
the
Correct your spelling
that
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Use synonyms
boys
Change preposition
of boys
show examples
 which
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 calculated as 30.2% of
girls
Use synonyms
 and 14.1% of
boys
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in history,
subjectconditional
Correct your spelling
subject conditional
 the ratio of both
girls
Use synonyms
 and
boys
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 and measured
as
Change preposition
at
show examples
 25.6% and 22.9%, respectively. Now,
chunk
Add an article
a chunk
the chunk
show examples
 of
boys
Use synonyms
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 more than
girls
Use synonyms
 in geography, which was recorded as 30.4% of
boys
Use synonyms
 and 20.1% of
girls
Use synonyms
. Probing
further
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 there was
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
little difference in the exposed foreign language and mathematics of
boys
Use synonyms
 and
girls
Use synonyms
. The rate of
boys
Use synonyms
 in both subjects was 46.8% and 48.4% and the proportion of
girls
Use synonyms
 was 47.4% and 49.2% approximately.
However
Linking Words
, in the likely computer
science
Add a comma
,science
show examples
 the ratio of
girls
Use synonyms
 ameliorate and
calculated
Add a missing verb
is calculated
show examples
 as 56.3% as the
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
boys
Use synonyms
 is recorded as 42.1%.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is vividly seen that the
girls
Use synonyms
 perform better in all
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 except one subject.
However
Linking Words
, the
boys
Use synonyms
 take a lead only in geography subject.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, girls with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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