IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people claim that tourism can help to bridge cultural gaps between peoples of different nationalities and cultures. Do you agree or disagree?

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There has been always a debate on whether international travel can resolve cultural differences between people or not.
Although
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 I acknowledge that tourism offers foreign and
indigenous
Capitalize word
Indigenous
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 people cross-cultural interactions, I believe it to be not really effective in bridging cultural gaps.
Firstly
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, cultural barriers cannot be completely removed within a vacation trip because of the shortage of time.
That is
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, a trip often takes place for 2-3 weeks, and it is impossible for any people to have a deeper understanding
about
Change preposition
of
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 the host country in
such
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 a short span of time. Even if they only scratch the surface of the cultures, they need to stay in a place for a couple of days, which rarely occurs as almost
trippers
Correct determiner usage
all trippers
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 want to pay visits to as many landscapes as possible.
Secondly
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, cultural identity might end up disappearing under the influence of
tourists
Use synonyms
' demands.
On
Change preposition
In
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 building travel experiences, a lot of international
tourists
Use synonyms
 ask for services that are unrelated to indigenous culture. Sadly,
however
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, many locals have no hesitation to meet their requirements immediately and make a huge profit from these services.
As a result
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,
such
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 actions make cultural identity fade away. In Sapa,
for example
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, there have been a number of European restaurants and cafes opened with the aim of satisfying travellers's tastes.
Likewise
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, one of the most popular jobs here is working as a porter and carrying bags for
tourists
Use synonyms
 as traditional crafts like
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
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handicrafts are less profitable. Gradually, in view of
tourists
Use synonyms
' needs, traditional jobs or cultural identity will be superseded by non-indigenous ones. Another point to be considered is tourism might cause damage to tangible cultural heritages and tourist attractions. Let me adduce a proof, in the Temple of Literature in Ha Noi,
tourists
Use synonyms
 used to rub stone turtles' heads in the hope of sticking lucky,
as a consequence
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, the stone heads are wearing away.
This
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 example,
along with
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 other problems
such
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 as littering, is typical
for
Change preposition
of
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bad
Correct article usage
the bad
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 physical impacts of travel on cultural heritages.
To sum up
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, I think that tourism is not very productive in bridging
up
Change preposition
apply
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cultural gaps
due to
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 the shortage of
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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 and some
ill-effects
Correct your spelling
ill effects
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 it has on things of cultures.

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task achievement
Expand your introduction to clearly present your main argument and outline your points more explicitly.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph develops a single main idea clearly and support it with detailed examples.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of your argument and connect ideas between and within sentences.
task achievement
Clarify some phrases for greater precision, for example, replacing 'pay visits' with 'visit' could enhance clarity.
task achievement
Your essay presents valid and relevant points related to the topic, showing thoughtfulness in your argument.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
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