IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that the government should spend more money on public services rather than wasting money on the arts. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #money #services #arts
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some individuals believe that spending
money
Use synonyms
 on public services is indispensable, rather than spending on other art forms. While I accept public services are important to the whole society so certainly the
government
Use synonyms
 should allocate funds for
this
Linking Words
, I
also
Linking Words
 believe
money
Use synonyms
 spent on the arts is useful. On the one hand, I acknowledge that spending
money
Use synonyms
 on public services is more important. Since public services include hospitals, schools and infrastructure, which helps to give a better lifestyle to the whole community. If the higher authority does not spend a certain amount on hospitals with qualified doctors and nurses and the latest well-equipped machinery, the mortality rate will increase.
Similarly
Linking Words
, if
government
Use synonyms
 bodies stop providing funds for schools, the younger generation who is the future of the country will not get the education and resulting in accelerating the percentage of illiteracy and unemployment, which leads economic progress slow.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I would argue spending
money
Use synonyms
 on the arts is not a waste of
money
Use synonyms
 due to several reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the art reflects the culture and history of the country. Many countries like the USA, Europe and India have museums and many historical buildings which attracts many tourists from other parts of the world to see them,
hence
Linking Words
, to maintain and preserve these monuments requires a lot of funds from the
government
Use synonyms
 to support it.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there are many artists in the world like singers, painters and dancers to entertain society and their income completely depends on
such
Linking Words
 arts. If they do not get support from the
government
Use synonyms
, they will be penniless.
As a result
Linking Words
, the artistic sector would be on the verge of disappearance. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 I concede that the public services should be given
first
Linking Words
 priority, I believe spending
money
Use synonyms
 on the arts are
also
Linking Words
 as important as in other sectors.
Submitted by jdsmss on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: