IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Central and local government make a frantic attempt to promote festivals to create a lot of revenue. Some people think this money should be invested in social programs for the poor.

#government #attempt #festivals #revenue #people #money #programs
Nowadays, we live in an age of modern society.
As a result
, central and local
government
try
Suggestion
tries
 to promote festival so as to increase revenue.
However
, some people believe that it is necessary to invest money in social programs for the poor. I agree that money used for social program
need
Suggestion
needs
 to be prioritized.
On the other hand
, it is undeniable that investing festival will bring a great deal of advantages. The revenue which comes from promoting festivals may become the crucial elements to deal with financial disorder.
Moreover
, it should be highlighted that improving tourists can lead to enhancing reputations for
local area
Suggestion
the local area
local areas
. If local
government
make
Suggestion
makes
 a frantic attempt to promote festivals, local cities will become one of the best
destination
Suggestion
destinations
 for tourists.
However
, I believe that there are
number
Suggestion
a number
 of advantages to investing money in social programs
instead
 of festivals.
First
 of all, the demand of the poor is more pressing than others. Some
researches
a scientist who devotes himself to doing research
researchers
 point out that the number of unemployment is increasing annual
year
Suggestion
yearly
.
Moreover
, unemployed people have a tendency to become
the poor
Suggestion
poorer
. Because the rate of jobless people will have a lot of negative effects on society,
government
need
Suggestion
needs
 to
back up
an accumulation caused by clogging or a stoppage
backup
 them. Another point is that promoting social programs play a vital role in decreasing social issues. A reason for
that is
 that if central and local
government
 subsidize the amount of
budget
Suggestion
the budget
 which are provided for medicine and charity, the life quality of citizen will be improved. As a
consequences
Suggestion
consequence
, people do not have worry about their life and the number of
crime
Suggestion
crimes
 will be decreased. To sum up,
although
 promoting festivals have a lot of positive influences on creating revenue.
central
Suggestion
Central
 and local
government
 should focus on investing in social programs for the poor.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: