IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Animals are in danger of extinctions. Some people say we should protect only those animal which are useful to humans. Do you agree or disagree ?

#animals #danger #extinctions #people #humans
Many animals are indeed threatened by the risk of extinction. Some hold a belief that humans only need to safeguard certain species that benefit us. I personally disagree with
this
 point of view because I believe that making efforts on animal conservation should not put people’s needs into consideration. People cannot shrink responsible for protecting endangered animals because our behaviour is the biggest reason why they are disappearing. Overpopulation seems the typical example of
this
 phenomenon occurred. In recent decades, people have been developing and exploiting nature constantly which leads to scarcity of their habitats. We take resources from their home and use their meat as our food, we should not be that cruel and inhumane. All animals, including humans, of the planet, have the equal right to enjoy their lives which
also
 means we should not be the exception of determining other animals' future.
Moreover
, simply trying to prevent certain non-human creatures from endangering surely can deteriorate the balance of the ecosystem and it
also
 can lead to severe consequences. To keep a healthy ecosystem, every animal plays a unique and vital role. If we solely assist some creatures which relatively more beneficial to us, the food chain will be
destructed which
Accept comma addition
destructed, which
 probably can cause an increase in some animals and a decrease in others in number than overloading the burden of the natural environment.
For example
, if we try to protect certain predators and the number of
this
 animal is rising, possibly, the number of particular herbivores will drop dramatically, and eventually,
this
 predator will suffer from a lack of food. In conclusion, I strongly believe that we need to try our best to protect all endangered animals rather than choosing to save certain animals’ lives which could benefit us.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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