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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the number of employees from the European Union in the United States (1999).

The bar chart below shows the number of employees from the European Union in the United States (1999).
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The bar chart demonstrates the figure of
workers
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 who are from the European Union in the United States in 1999.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can see that the statistic
of
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for
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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British employees is the highest
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rates
Fix the agreement mistake
rate
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 in the European Union.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the sum of stakeholders who came from the French is the lowest
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rates
Fix the agreement mistake
rate
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. From the graph, the British
workers
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 accounted for nearly 30,000
peoples
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people
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, which is the highest
figures
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figure
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 in the European Union
while
Linking Words
 the total of French stakeholders
nearly
Add a missing verb
is nearly
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 5000
people
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, which is the lowest
figures
Fix the agreement mistake
figure
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 at the same time. Meanwhile, employees who come from Germany
just
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are just
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at
Change preposition
apply
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25,000
people
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 and the number of Italian
workers
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 is nearly 10,000
people
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.
Besides
Linking Words
, the total of employees in other countries is 20,000
people
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.
It is clear that
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 figure is higher than the
rates
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 of Italian and French
workers
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.
However
Linking Words
, it is lower than the
rates
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 of the British and the Germans stakeholders.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words workers, rates, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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