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Writing Samples
Band 4

Many of the products we buy nowadays break or wear out very quickly. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this for manufacturers and the public?

#products #manufacturers
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In the past few decades, the manufacturing industry has witnessed a boom,
as
Correct word choice
and as
show examples
 a
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
show examples
 the
goods
 have become cheaper for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consumers. Many argue that the
quality
 of these items does not
last
 for a long time. There are advantages and disadvantages associated with
this
 phenomenon,
I
Correct pronoun usage
which I
show examples
intend to discuss in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with, the developed countries have a stronger economy, and many of them have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
full-time employment to support themselves. So, many manufacturing companies focus most of their
products
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 them, as they can afford to re-buy the
goods
, even after they
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 been broken down or simply worn down in their
quality
. These companies make their profits by selling
high end
Add a hyphen
high-end
show examples
products
 for a good
price
, and
thus
, generate profitable balance
sheet
Fix the agreement mistake
sheets
show examples
.
However
, if their
products
 are undermined in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quality
then
 those customers may turn away from them and look
different
Change preposition
at different
show examples
manufacture
Replace the word
manufacturers
show examples
, who may sell
quality
products
 for a reasonable
price
 tag
Remove the redundancy
apply
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price
 tag.
In contrast
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consumers nowadays search for cheaper
products
, and they may be willing
overlooking
Change the verb form
to overlook
show examples
 the
quality
 over the
price
.
This
 is because it gives them
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 freedom to choose
goods
 frequently without having to be stuck with the old items.
For example
, electronic
products
 often change
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a short span of time,
as a result
, they buy the most updated
products
 on the market.
However
,
this
 could
also
 put strain on their pockets, if they keep up with
this
 style of buying. There are shards of evidence, which
suggests
Correct subject-verb agreement
suggest
show examples
 that many youngsters have cut down on their food over
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
shopping
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
goods
. In conclusion, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages because the
goods
 are sold at affordable
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 to the consumers, and they do not need to pay a higher
price
 than
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 deserve.
Submitted by kapil_108 on

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task response
Ensure your response fully addresses all aspects of the task. Develop and support your main points more thoroughly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and cohesive structure. Make sure to use appropriate linking words and organize your ideas logically throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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