Do you Agree or disagree that celebrities are paid far too much money ? Give reasons for your answer.

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Entertainment is significant in life, so famous people

such

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as singers, actors,

models

Correct word choice

and models

show examples

who

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

benefit from

this

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field. It is argued that they are paid far too much

money

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.In my opinion, I tend to agree that they deserve a high salary for their dedication and effort. First of all, as

other

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in other

show examples

professions,

celebrities

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have to give a lot of time and relentless training

effortin

Correct your spelling

effort in

the hopes of

shinning

Correct your spelling

shining

show examples

in the limelight.

For example

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, Korean trainees

who

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apply

show examples

spent many years efforting against thousands of

ones

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others

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to reserve a debut.

Secondly

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, not everyone has a rich artistic talent that has to go through the process of harsh training ,so that

thay

Correct your spelling

they

can compete in a fast-firing work environment.

For instance

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, Jin Bts is a person who has

practiced

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practised

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singing and dancing day and night because of his original background as a model, he needs to cultivate more skills to become an idol.

Therefore

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, they absolutely

deserve

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deserve to

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be paid a high income for their efforts. Another argument in

favor

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favour

show examples

of paying a lot of

money

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for the jobs which

helps

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help

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decuation

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education

decoration

and health of

community

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the community

a community

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. In fact,

Professions

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Professionals

show examples

such

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as teachers, doctors and engineers

who

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apply

show examples

have a more stable salary than well-known people. Because they do not have retirement pensions

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then

Rephrase

apply

show examples

they get older and the amount of

money

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they receive depends on the number of tickets sold each concert and profit from the music product.

While

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the

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

new

celebrities

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just appear and the old ones have to try their best to bring the quality end trendy goods in order to maintain their social position. It is undeniable that famous people are influencers who have power in

media

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the media

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community to join them and their fans together to help the

disadvantages

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disadvantaged

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or donate charitable funds.

Futher more

Correct your spelling

Furthermore

, the spiritual contributions of

celebrities

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not only help us to relax but

also

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inspire the dynamic. In conclusion, I believe that

celebrities

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appropriate be paid far much

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money

Change preposition

of money

show examples

for their dedication.Because every occupation is equal, no job is more noble than

any one

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anyone

show examples

,as long as they work true.

tramytran09102003Mon Apr 27 2020

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task response

Ensure that you clearly address all parts of the question, provide relevant ideas, and support your points with specific examples.

coherence and cohesion

Improve the overall organization of the essay and ensure that your ideas are logically connected and coherently presented.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

342 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

lucrative
revenue
sponsorships
merchandise
career longevity
market demand
economic contribution
role models
influence
entertainment industry

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Do you Agree or disagree that celebrities are paid far too much money ? Give reasons for your answer.

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Part 2 The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?