The availability of entertainment such as playing electronic games on portable devices will be harmful to individuals in the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays playing games on portable devices are very popular because of their convenience and easy access.
This
could bring benefits and
drawbacks but
Accept comma addition
drawbacks, but
in my opinion, the benefits are outweighed by the drawbacks.
To begin
with, spending too much
time
on these
game
Suggestion
games
brings some health risks
for
example it
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example, it
could affect on eyes result in poor visibility
also
when people waste
huge amount
Suggestion
a huge amount
of
time
on video games, they do less physical activity so the lake of exercise over long
time
makes them vulnerable to diseases
such
as obesity, causing deteriorating health condition and burdening the country’s
healthcare
Suggestion
health care
system. These games are very addictive and players must
plays
Suggestion
play
daily to progress through the levels achieve targets and get
higher score
Suggestion
a higher score
higher scores
the higher score
than their competitors so people tend to play these games, isolate themselves from their family and friends which has a devastating
effects
Suggestion
effect
on real-life relationships. The lake of face to face communication
also
has harmful effects on social skills development of children that really threatens their success in society. There are
also
some advantages. From
educational perspective
Suggestion
an educational perspective
the educational perspective
, playing puzzle games could encourage creativity and promote concentration and problem solving ability
also
provide determination and focus to achieve the particular level. There is someone who believes that these games serve as excellent relaxing-tools and allow people to relax whenever they
want
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want, for
for example
, during break
time
or after a long
day
Suggestion
day's
work. In conclusion, it seems to me that the potential danger of electronic games
are
Suggestion
is
more significant than
possible benefits
Suggestion
the possible benefits
.

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • detrimental
  • adverse
  • excessive
  • physical and mental health issues
  • dependency
  • hinder
  • social skills development
  • academic performance
  • productivity
  • real-life experiences
  • social interactions
  • addiction
  • gambling
  • harmful behaviors
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