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Band 4.5

The availability of entertainment such as playing electronic games on portable devices will be harmful to individuals in the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#availability #entertainment #games #devices #individuals #society
Nowadays playing games on portable devices are very popular because of their convenience and easy access.
This
 could bring benefits and
drawbacks but
Accept comma addition
drawbacks, but
 in my opinion, the benefits are outweighed by the drawbacks.
To begin
 with, spending too much
time
 on these
game
Suggestion
games
 brings some health risks
for
example it
Accept comma addition
example, it
 could affect on eyes result in poor visibility
also
 when people waste
huge amount
Suggestion
a huge amount
 of
time
 on video games, they do less physical activity so the lake of exercise over long
time
 makes them vulnerable to diseases
such
 as obesity, causing deteriorating health condition and burdening the country’s
healthcare
Suggestion
health care
 system. These games are very addictive and players must
plays
Suggestion
play
 daily to progress through the levels achieve targets and get
higher score
Suggestion
a higher score
higher scores
the higher score
 than their competitors so people tend to play these games, isolate themselves from their family and friends which has a devastating
effects
Suggestion
effect
 on real-life relationships. The lake of face to face communication
also
 has harmful effects on social skills development of children that really threatens their success in society. There are
also
 some advantages. From
educational perspective
Suggestion
an educational perspective
the educational perspective
, playing puzzle games could encourage creativity and promote concentration and problem solving ability
also
 provide determination and focus to achieve the particular level. There is someone who believes that these games serve as excellent relaxing-tools and allow people to relax whenever they
want
Accept comma addition
want, for
for example
, during break
time
 or after a long
day
Suggestion
day's
 work. In conclusion, it seems to me that the potential danger of electronic games
are
Suggestion
is
 more significant than
possible benefits
Suggestion
the possible benefits
.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • detrimental
  • adverse
  • excessive
  • physical and mental health issues
  • dependency
  • hinder
  • social skills development
  • academic performance
  • productivity
  • real-life experiences
  • social interactions
  • addiction
  • gambling
  • harmful behaviors
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