IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that to give opportunities to the new generation companies should encourage high level employees who are older than 55 to retire. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #opportunities #generation #companies #level #employees
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There is no denying having a few masses opine that to allow chance to the new generation business should motivate high level employees who are senior rather than 55 to retire. I am
strong advocate
Suggestion
a strong advocate
 of
this
Linking Words
 approach, and the benefits of it will be covered in
this
Linking Words
eay
how something is done or how it happens
way
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are
plethora
Suggestion
a plethora
 of reasons for
new generation
Suggestion
the new generation
. The
first
Linking Words
 and foremost, if employers chance
to
Suggestion
for
 young people, they generate new ideas
in
Suggestion
at
work
Use synonyms
. If adult people
work
Use synonyms
 in companies, they use technology in their job. Due to they don't face difficulties, they do
work
Use synonyms
 with easy way. New companies
lanch
set up or found
launch
lunch
launched
 in the world should encourage employees, older people retire from factories, and they give chance to high level employees. In the addition, some many do not retire in their job due to young people should not join the companies because all seats booked for employees. If
government
Suggestion
the government
make
Suggestion
makes
 stick rules, new workers do
work
Use synonyms
 in business.
Therefore
Linking Words
, responsible organisations should
work
Use synonyms
 on arranging educational centres and beneficial events for the retired
seniors
Suggestion
senior
 citizens. They would
fulfill
put in effect
fulfil
 their free time usefully and efficiently, like
pursuing
interrupt temporarily an activity before continuing
pausing
 in the personal hobbies. To conclude, our community is based on a mixture of various age parties. For each period of time, each party obtains their right to possess an effective role in the society.
However
Linking Words
, commercial and big companies prefer young employee because they infuse the
work
Use synonyms
 atmosphere with lots of young blood.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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