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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the pie charts below give information about world population in 1900 and 2000

the pie charts below give information about world population in 1900 and 2000
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The two pie charts illustrate changes in the
population
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 of different areas of the planet between 1900 and 2000. The major regions are represented as percentages of the total world
population
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, the pie charts represent a tremendous increase
of
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in
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 the Earth’s
population
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, most of the growth occurred in developing countries.
Asia
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 as a region was the most populated
while
Linking Words
 the smallest number of
people
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 lived in the African continent. In
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
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, the
ratio
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 of Asian and European regions declined over the century. Europe’s
ratio
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 dropped from 25% to 14%,
while
Linking Words
Asia
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 declined from 60% to 54%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
percentage
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 of
people
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 living in
Africa
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 more than doubled from 4.5% to 10%,
while
Linking Words
 Latin
America’s
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 proportion almost tripled in the same period (from 1900 to 2000). North
America’s
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percentage
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,
howeverhowever
Correct your spelling
however however
, remained constant at 5% in 1900 and 2000. The Middle East and North
Africa
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, a new category in 2000, represented 6% of
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
population
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the pie charts represent a tremendous increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the Earth’s
population
Use synonyms
, most of the growth occurred in developing countries.
Asia
Use synonyms
 as a region was the most populated
while
Linking Words
 the smallest number of
people
Use synonyms
 lived on the African continent. In
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
, the
ratio
Use synonyms
 of Asian and European regions declined over the century. Europe’s
ratio
Use synonyms
 dropped from 25% to 14%,
while
Linking Words
Asia
Use synonyms
 declined from 60% to 54%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 living in
Africa
Use synonyms
 more than doubled from 4.5% to 10%,
while
Linking Words
 Latin
America’s
Use synonyms
 proportion almost tripled in the same period (from 1900 to 2000). North
America’s
Use synonyms
percentage
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, remained constant at 5% in 1900 and 2000. The Middle East and North
Africa
Use synonyms
, a new category in 2000, represented 6% of
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
population
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand, overall, while".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words population, asia, people, ratio, percentage, africa, america’s with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "represented" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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