IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that technologies such as mobile phones are disrupting social interaction. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #technologies #phones #interaction
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Advanced technology and its innovative gadgets have trespassed in almost all aspects of life. It has become an integral part of human life.
However
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, some opponents blame that
inventions
Suggestion
invention
,
Accept space
,
 especially, mobile phones deter masses to be social. I am in favour of their belief and my arguments will be discussed
further
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 in details. Myriad reasons are bolster my stand. The prominent is overuse of
internet
Suggestion
the internet
. To elaborate, unlike
past
Suggestion
the past
 when ancestors used to acquire knowledge through their elders and peers, nowadays, people surf associated websites whenever they are in need.
Internet
Suggestion
The internet
 is
vast source
Suggestion
a vast source
 of information
;
Accept space
;
 it has all answers of people's questions either they belong to personal or professional.
Besides
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, it is a bed of roses for every techno savvy person.
For instance
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, students like to solve academic as well as non academic queries from Google
instead
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 of experienced teachers. As a consequence, it has widen a gap among youngsters and
olders
plural of other; the people or things not already mentioned
others
.
Accept space
.
In addition
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, most of people indulge in a mobile phone and its provoking applications
such
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 as children play video games, young prefer to chat and post on social applications and senior citizens spend their time on
You tube
Suggestion
YouTube
Youtube
 to
listern
hear with intention
listen
 hymns and chants. All those activities are whale of time for them that leads towards lack of face to face interaction.
Furthermore
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, through cell phone' s features, latest working and teaching styles like
distant
Suggestion
distance
 learning and work at home snatch away
feeling
Suggestion
the feeling
 of cooperation, competition that are merely feasible in conventional methods.
However
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, those equipments are useful for those people
,
Accept space
,
who live far away from their native place
,
Accept space
,
 to stay connected with their kith and kin endlessly.
In other words
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, by
updated
Suggestion
updating
 applications
,
Accept space
,
they converse with their family members irrespective places through
video medium
Suggestion
video media
the video medium
.
Hence
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, they can alleviate nostalgic feelings. To encapsulate,
although
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 unprecedented technology is a boon for some immigrants
,
Accept space
,
 it expands a gap among people because of its overindulgence.
Therefore
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, physical communication must be required in order to improve relations and more socialise that builds
strong bond
Suggestion
a strong bond
strong bonds
 and harmony in the society.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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