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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the consumption of 3 spreads from 1981 to 2007

The graph below shows the consumption of 3 spreads from 1981 to 2007
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The line graph illustrates the amount of three
kind
Change to a plural noun
kinds
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 of spreads (
margarine
Use synonyms
, low fat
an
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 reduced spreads and
butter
Use synonyms
) which were consumed over the 26
years
Use synonyms
 from 1981 to 2007. Units are
measure
Wrong verb form
measured
show examples
 in
grams
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the consumption of
margarine
Use synonyms
 and
butter
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased over the given period,
while
Linking Words
 for low fat and reduced spreads it, rose. At the start of
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
butter
Use synonyms
 was the most famous product, which
replaced
Add a missing verb
was replaced
show examples
 by
margarine
Use synonyms
 from 1991 to 2001, and following that
low fat
Add a hyphen
low-fat
show examples
 and reduced spreads were
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 common spreads in the
last
Linking Words
years
Use synonyms
. In 1986
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
show examples
 of
butter
Use synonyms
 spreads consisted
about
Change preposition
of about
show examples
 160
grams
Use synonyms
, after 5
years
Use synonyms
butter
Use synonyms
 crossed with
margarine
Use synonyms
 which level showed 100
grams
Use synonyms
 in 1991 and year by year
butter
Use synonyms
 lost
own
Correct pronoun usage
its own
show examples
 state.
Likewise
Linking Words
, approximately 90
grams
Use synonyms
 of
margarine
Use synonyms
 was eaten in the first year after which
figure
Correct article usage
the figure
show examples
 fluctuated slightly and dropped to a low of 40
grams
Use synonyms
 in 2007.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the consumption of
low fat
Add a hyphen
low-fat
show examples
 and reduced spreads only started in 1996
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
 10
grams
Use synonyms
 and was not
bas
Correct your spelling
as
 popular as
margarine
Use synonyms
 and
butter
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 period.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 figure reached a high
just
Change preposition
of just
show examples
 over 80
grams
Use synonyms
 during the 5
years
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words margarine, butter, years, grams with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reduced" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption
  • spreads
  • increased
  • decreased
  • stable
  • significantly
  • approximately
  • per capita
  • remarkable
  • peaked
  • experienced
  • started
  • remained
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