IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Mobile phones are considered essential by most people nowadays. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of mobile phones and state your opinion.

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In recent years mobile devices
are increased
Suggestion
increase
 in usage from most community slices.
while
Suggestion
While
 misused of
this
Linking Words
 device make some problems for the person.
Linking Words
this
Suggestion
This
 essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of a
phone
Use synonyms
 with a few examples from my experiences. On the one
hand
Use synonyms
, the main advantage of
mobile user
Suggestion
the mobile user
mobile users
 is contacting with friends and sibling, what I mean by
this
Linking Words
, people can access
easy
Suggestion
easily
 to
phone
Use synonyms
 and write
number
Suggestion
the number
a number
 or ID code to add a person to their
phone
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, my sister living in the UK, she can call me directly through Viber application in
video call
Suggestion
a video call
 without the barrier of distance.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, mobile is a small device that can hold in a pocket,
also
Linking Words
 easy to browse for getting information, to explain that, mobile can use for reading news and easy to hold by
hand
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
last
Linking Words
 week I
traveled
traveled over or through; sometimes used as a combining term
travelled
 to the countryside with my
sisters I
Accept comma addition
sisters, I
 lost the road so I opened GPS on my
phone
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 getting the right way to my destination.
On the other
Linking Words
Use synonyms
hand of
Accept comma addition
hand, of
 the argument, some problems could be
lie
Suggestion
lying
 in the misuses of mobile, to illustrate that, mobile can be broken easily by sliding from the user's
hand
Use synonyms
 to the ground especially touch screen is so sensitive and
expansive
high in price or charging high prices
expensive
 part
in
Suggestion
of
 the mobile device.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in the
last
Linking Words
 years, some articles and reports talked about mobile might cause cancer disease, that's to say, the nearest distance between
brain
Suggestion
the brain
 and
phone
Use synonyms
 can cause cancer disease by sending high waves to the brain,
in other words
Linking Words
, yesterday I read in the news an Italian millionaire got cancer disease in his brain cause he used mobile for calling
in
Suggestion
after
 hours. In conclusion, using mobile has many obvious pros like contact with people, getting information and easy to use.
However
Linking Words
, there are some cons for abused like losing a lot of money to buy new and
expansive
high in price or charging high prices
expensive
 one.
personally
Suggestion
Personally
, the upside of
mobile
Suggestion
mobility
 outweighs the downside.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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