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Writing Samples
Band 4

The graph above shows the stock price of four technology companies between 2011 and 2016.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The graph above shows the stock price of four technology companies between 2011 and 2016.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
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The picture illustrates the
stock
Use synonyms
price
Use synonyms
 of four different technology companies from 2011 to 2016. We can see that
while
Linking Words
 Apple’s
stock
Use synonyms
value
Use synonyms
 fluctuated dramatically to the highest
point
Use synonyms
, Google’s
stock
Use synonyms
value
Use synonyms
sabled
Correct your spelling
disabled
 between 2011 and 2016.
Besides
Linking Words
 the
stock
Use synonyms
price
Use synonyms
 of Facebook had
upward
Correct article usage
an upward
show examples
 trend
while
Linking Words
 Yahoo’s
stock
Use synonyms
value
Use synonyms
 had
downward
Add an article
a downward
show examples
 trend.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the picture,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Apple’s
stock
Use synonyms
price
Use synonyms
 began at 5000 in 2011. After a year, it increased dramatically from 5000 to 35000 at the highest
point
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
 it declined to 7000 in 2013. From 2013 to 2016 there was a staggering increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Apple’
Change noun form
Apple’s
show examples
stock
Use synonyms
price
Use synonyms
 with 11000 in 2014,
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
point
Use synonyms
 at 4000 and more than 5000 in 2016. In the contrast, the
stock
Use synonyms
value
Use synonyms
 of Google stabled at 1000
during
Change preposition
for
show examples
 6 years.
Secondly
Linking Words
, despite the same beginning
point
Use synonyms
 at 8000 in 2011,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Facebook’s and Yahoo’s
stock
Use synonyms
price
Use synonyms
 had different trends. The
stock
Use synonyms
value
Use synonyms
 of Yahoo decreased
gradualy
Correct your spelling
gradually
 to 4000 in 2014. There was a stable
price
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 4000 from 2014 to 2015.
Then
Linking Words
 it continued to drop
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 lowest
point
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2000 in 2016.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Facebook’s
stock
Use synonyms
price
Use synonyms
 increased steadily from 8000 to 20000 in 6 years.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words stock, price, value, point with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stabled" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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