Some people think that music plays an important role in society. Others, however, disagree and say that music is merely a form of entertainment. Discuss both views and state your own opinion.

#people #music #role #society #form #entertainment

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It is often argued that the art is required to live our life happy. Some people might say that

music

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becomes a significant role in the community while others claim that it is a part of

entertainment

Suggestion

the entertainment

. In my opinion,

music

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is necessary in our life.

This

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essay will address the both views about how

music

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affects people.

First

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of all,

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music

Suggestion

the music

is effective to people’s lifestyle. When individuals listen and play

music

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, their stress would be disappeared mentally and physically.

For example

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, when they

listen

perceive (sound) via the auditory sense

hear

the songs which are favourite their brain might be healed and

also

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they feel energetic during the using of musical instrument.

Moreover

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inhabitants

Suggestion

the inhabitants

could enjoy their leisure time

such

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as taking part in the festivals because

music

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is vital for the festivals.

Therefore

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, the benefit of society will be improved by enjoyable people’s lifestyle.

On the other hand

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music

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is not the only one for entertaining. Not only

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music but

Accept comma addition

music, but

also

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the

others

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others, such

such

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as painting and drawings are existing as an art. The other things are

also

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useful to the community because a group of people who do not like

music

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prefer to play those kinds of entertainment.

For instance

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, they might enjoy painting because

Use synonyms

music sometimes

Accept comma addition

music, sometimes

leads some social issues

such

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as the creation of noisy sound.

In other words

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music

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seems like having a controversy. There are many ways to enjoy the entertainment more than playing

music

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. In conclusion, in spite of the fact that some problems

happen we

Accept comma addition

happen, we

need to encourage the society to use

music

Use synonyms

more than before. I believe that there will be more developments in the future about it.

Submitted by ladiesman0628 on Wed Apr 29 2020

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

272 words

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Some people think that music plays an important role in society. Others, however, disagree and say that music is merely a form of entertainment. Discuss both views and state your own opinion.

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while other think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Dicss both view and give our opinion

Nowadays, people believe that governments should invest taxpayers’ money in healthcare, while others believe that money should be used in other areas. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

in somes areas of US, Teenagers cann't be out of doors at night. Do you argree or disargree