IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Both the poor and the rich find the accessibility in the university difficult. Do you agree or disagree?

#accessibility #university
Most people agree that the
accessibility
 in the
university
 is really crucial for both the poor and the rich in all societies. In
this
 essay, it will explain the reasons why it is not difficult for the rich to obtain the higher qualifications, whereas it is not easy for the poor to obtain higher qualifications. Being born in a rich family has a lot of
advantages especially
Accept comma addition
advantages, especially
 accessing into a
university
 as the rich rarely have financial difficulties. Parents usually spend a huge
amount
 of money for sending their children to
study
 in a high qualified educational
institutions
Suggestion
institution
 within or outside of the country in
order
 to prepare their children for
university
 life. Most of adolescents from
wealthy family
Suggestion
wealthy families
a wealthy family
 are might capable to choose the
university
 that they prefer to
study
.
In addition
, they are
also
 able to improve their problematic skills for
university
 admission, since they can hire private tutors or go to special tutorial schools without any financial problem.
In contrast
, being poor has more difficulties to obtain
higher
Suggestion
a higher education degree
higher education degrees
education
 degree as it costs a large
amount
 of expense.
Although
 student loans are provided in the universities,
this
 may lead to increase more debts for their family.
Most poor
Suggestion
Poorer
 teenagers
also
 has limited opportunities to acquire quality of fundamental
education
, since they have to work hard in
order
 to find more revenue to support their family. These could be the reasons why they choose to work rather than continue their bachelor degree. As mentioned above, it could not deny that the rich tend to have less difficulties than the poor to find the
university
accessibility
. Most people agree that the
accessibility
 in
tothe
Suggestion
to the
university
 is really crucial for both the poor and the rich in all societies. In
tThis
denotes a person or thing
this
the
 essay, it will explain the reasons why it is easy for the rich to obtain the higher qualifications, whereas it is quite difficult for the poor.
to
Suggestion
To
 obtain higher qualifications. Being born in a rich family has a lot of
advantages especially
Accept comma addition
advantages, especially
 gaining
accessing
Suggestion
access
 into a
university
 as the rich rarely have financial difficulties. Parents usually spend a huge
amount
 of money for to sending their children to
study
 in a highly qualified educational
institutions
Suggestion
institution
 within or outside of the country. Rich parents
alsousually
Suggestion
also usually
 plan and select schools for their children since early childhood
education
 until higher
education
 to prepare academic readiness for the child. Some of them even recruit private tutors or send their children to special tutorial schools in
order
 to improve their children’s weaknesses, which so they can meet
university
 admission requirement.
In contrast
, the poor
has have
Suggestion
has had
 more difficulties to obtain
higher
Suggestion
a higher education degree
higher education degrees
education
 degree as it costs a large
amount
 of
expensemoney
Suggestion
expense money
.
Most poor
Suggestion
Poorer
 teenagers
also
 has
have
Suggestion
had
 limited opportunities to acquire quality of fundamental
education
 because of their family’s financial situations. Some of them have to work since they are young in
order
 to earn more income to support their family
instead
 of focusing on their
study
Suggestion
studies
.
Although
 student loans are provided in the universities, they may not be able to pay for large debt after graduation if they cannot find a good job. As mentioned above, it could
notis
discover or determine the existence, presence, or fact of
notice
undeniabledeny
 that the rich tend to have less difficulties than the poor to find
thegain
Suggestion
the gain
 entry to
university
accessibility
.
This
 disparity gap will be reduced, if the government provides more
education
 opportunities
such
 as scholarship and financial support for the poor.
Submitted by bekhammany on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: