IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below shows the information about electronic games in South Korean in 2003.

The graph below shows the information about electronic games in South Korean in 2003.
#information #games #korean
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Three given pie charts illustrate the categories
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the popularity of electronic
games
Use synonyms
 in different ages in Korean's gender distribution
as well as
Linking Words
 the proportion of many kinds of top-selling
games
Use synonyms
 in South
Korean
Correct your spelling
Korea
show examples
 during 2003. As can be presented from the chart, there was a considerable discrepancy in the number of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 engaging
electronic
Change preposition
in electronic
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games
Use synonyms
 when about 72% of the
man's
Change noun form
men
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 percentage
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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significantly surpassed the female ones. Obviously, most of the players were
adolescent
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
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 and young people, who averaged between
under
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apply
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18 and 18-35 years old,
accounted
Wrong verb form
accounting
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 for 35% and 42% respectively. The rest of
these chart
Change the determiner
this chart
these charts
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 was more than 35-year-old that constituted 23%. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
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multiple choices of electronic
games
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 action
games
Use synonyms
 were by far the best-selling genre which took up to 42%, role-play and education
games
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 had less successful scales, at 72%. In terms of sports and racing
games
Use synonyms
, they witnessed two approximate numbers with 21% and 17% respectively. The remaining 6% of the sales, which occupied
at
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apply
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the lowest level, belonged to the others kind of
games
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.
Overall
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Korean's
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Korean
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 electronic game sales, there was
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
majority
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 men group and action
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 likely to be the most prevalent form of
games
Use synonyms
 in South Korea during 2003.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words games with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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