IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Watching a live performance such as a play, concert, or sporting event is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#live #performance #play #concert #event #television
The majority of viewers were interested
to watch
Change preposition
in watching
show examples
 the
events
such
 as musical concerts, audio functions of movies and sports related at their original live
location
 rather than on the small digital screens or Televisions. I completely agree with the statement and
this
 essay will discuss the various reasons to support
this
 view.
Firstly
, in order to get a more pleasant experience,
people
 often prefer to watch the
events
 at their live
location
. With
this
Add a comma
,this
show examples
 they will feel an ample amount of experience and a greater satisfaction, which they can't get
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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through the normal infotainment device channel.
For instance
, by attending
the
Correct article usage
a
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 Cricket match at the stadium,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 lovers often
felt
Wrong verb form
feel
show examples
 an
enormous
Change the adjective
enormously
show examples
 pleasurable experience.
Secondly
, with the live performances,
viewer
Fix the agreement mistake
viewers
show examples
able
Add a missing verb
are able
show examples
 to stream the complete program without any breaks
while
 watching. In
this
 way, they can definitely avoid the advertisements which were played frequently on the television screens.
Additionally
, with the live
location
 of
events
, they can have a wide visibility. Since the
people
 at the current event
location
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
were able
view
Add the particle
to view
show examples
 and concentrate on
entire
Correct article usage
the entire
show examples
 function place and the event.
For instance
, considering
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 movie audio function,
people
are having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a wide spectrum of visibility from the starting place to
till
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the end of the event.
In other words
, from welcoming guests from outside of the hall to
till
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sending
back to
Rephrase
apply
show examples
them
to
Rephrase
back to
show examples
 their vehicle parking areas.
Moreover
, because of less entry fees,
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
people
 are interested towards the concerts. The majority of functions
are having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 very normal entry
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 to the viewers and
even
Rephrase
apply
show examples
some of them are free of cost.
To conclude
, in my view,
due to
 the satisfaction and individual interest levels and a wider scope of visibility,
people
 prefer to watch those
events
 at their live
location
instead
 of watching them on television.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that your ideas are clearly organized and connected to each other through the use of appropriate linking words and phrases.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use a wider range of words and phrases.
grammatical range accuracy
Check your grammar and sentence structure to avoid errors.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • immersive experience
  • replicated
  • energy
  • atmosphere
  • sense of community
  • shared excitement
  • unforgettable
  • predictable
  • convenience
  • comfort
  • crowds
  • travel
  • multiple camera angles
  • close-ups
  • replays
  • enhancing
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