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Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays most people spend less time in their homes. What are the causes of it? What are the effects on society and individuals?

#people #time #homes #effects #society #individuals
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Over recent years, the
people
Use synonyms
 of today have been spending quite less
time
Use synonyms
 at
home
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. The need for social
interaction
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 and face-to-face communication
stimulate
Correct subject-verb agreement
stimulates
show examples
 individuals to go out of the
home
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 .
However
Linking Words
 ,
this
Linking Words
 natural desire leads to personal
problems
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such
Linking Words
 as stress and anxiety and societal
problems
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, especially environmental ones. Human is a social animal and he or she needs
interaction
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 with others. The availability of online
interaction
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 with technological advances does not satisfy those
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have realized the importance of physical
interaction
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 .
Researches
Fix the agreement mistake
Research
show examples
suggest
Correct subject-verb agreement
suggests
show examples
 that online
interaction
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 is not a solution in the sense of loneliness, but they
also
Linking Words
 have reported that
people
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 use social network sites to make friends who can be met in person.
In addition
Linking Words
 , the high level of loneliness decreases when those who suffer from it escape from
the
Change the word
their
show examples
home
Use synonyms
 surrounded by walls.
Therefore
Linking Words
 , the duration of
time
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 spent at
home
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 has seen a decline. Lack of
time
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 spent at
home
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 comes with both personal and societal
problems
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. Those who want to get rid of the sense of loneliness can have high-level stress and anxiety in crowded areas. Especially, noisy places may trigger anxiety in individuals.
In addition
Linking Words
 ,
people
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 who spend excessive
time
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 out of
home
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exposure
Verb problem
are exposed
show examples
 the higher
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 of pollution than those who do not and
this
Linking Words
 exposure leads to health issues like asthma,
heart-related
Correct word choice
and heart-related
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problems
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 including bronchitis.
Moreover
Linking Words
 , the increase in the number of
people
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 spending
time
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 outside creates pollution
problems
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 because
this
Linking Words
 trend leads to noise, air, and environmental pollution which
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
show examples
 from excessive
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
. In conclusion, the
people
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 of today prefer to spend less
time
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 at
home
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as a result
Linking Words
 of the lack of
interaction
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 . The physical desire for physical
interaction
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 is
push
Change the verb form
to push
pushing
show examples
people
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 to go out of the borders of
home
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 today.
Although
Linking Words
 going outside and
engaged
Wrong verb form
engaging
show examples
 in crowded activities looks like an effective solution to the satisfaction of that desire, spending excessive
time
Use synonyms
 outside can likely cause stress-related
problems
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 and
Linking Words
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
environmental
problems
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by pankaj_khubchandani on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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