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Writing Samples
Band 8.5

Some people think that government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children, while others think it is the fault of the parents. Discuss both the sides and give your opinion.

#people #government #rise #obesity #children #fault #parents
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It is important to tackle the growing problem of obesity among kids. While some people argue that it is the responsibility of the government to tackle
this
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 problem, in my opinion, parents are responsible increase in the number of obese children.
This
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 essay is going to highlight both the views and support them with relevant examples.
Firstly
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, exercise,
such
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 as playing sport is important to control obesity.
Although
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 it is often mandatory for schools to have sports infrastructure, these days, many schools don't as the authorities usually approve their licences without prior inspections.
For example
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, my cousin studies in a school that has classes for ten hours and does not include any physical activities as they lack the infrastructure. It can be a problem as physical well-being plays a crucial role in controlling obesity. The argument goes that, if the government conducts necessary check prior to approving a school,
then
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 these institutions may refrain from
such
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 irresponsible behaviour.
Nevertheless
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, I believe, it is the responsibility of parents to guide their children to focus on physical activities. The reason is that children tend to listen to their parent's advice.
However
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, most parents these days are interested only in the academic performance of their kids and prevent them from playing sport citing it as a waste of time.
For instance
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, my friend's parents force him to attend private classes, which eats up all his time and prevents him from playing with other children. If parents encourage their offspring in sports along with studies,
then
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 the child may excel in both as physical activity helps improve mental ability. In conclusion,
although
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 it is important for the government to ensure that only institutions with proper sporting facilities are given permissions, in my view, it is the responsibility of parents to motivate their children to participate in sports considering that kids often listen to their parents.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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