IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

the bar chart shows the typical weekday for students in three different countries

the bar chart shows the typical weekday for students in three different countries
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The information given in the graph makes comparisons the number of times over the period 24
hours
Use synonyms
 of pupils in
three
Use synonyms
 different countries, particularly
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
;
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Germany
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 the figure of
hours
Use synonyms
 influenced in the bar chart shown,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the vast majority of number
time
Use synonyms
 when people spent
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
studying in
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Germany
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 that of
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 vice verse.The statistic
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 relaxing was the lowest in all
three
Use synonyms
 nations. To be more specific,
Japan
Use synonyms
 concentrated much more
Use synonyms
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 studying, reaching a level of 13
hours
Use synonyms
, simultaneously
this
Linking Words
 figure was just above
third
Linking Words
-
second
Linking Words
 compared to that of
Germany
Use synonyms
. In United State, people spent 8
hours
Use synonyms
 of
time
Use synonyms
studied
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
, lower than the number of
Use synonyms
Add an article
the hour
an hour
show examples
hour
Change to a plural noun
hours
show examples
 for sleeping.Generally speaking, studying was dominated in two out of the
three
Use synonyms
 countries shown on the chart. One of the considerable points was the small minority of
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
 for relaxing
time
Use synonyms
 in total.
This
Linking Words
 trend in
Japan
Use synonyms
 was nearly
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
-
three
Use synonyms
 compared to studying
time
Use synonyms
.
Specially
Replace the word
Especially
show examples
, a
Linking Words
similarly
Change the adverb
similar
show examples
 statistic of relaxing as
Use synonyms
hour
Add an article
an hour
show examples
 as in
UK
Use synonyms
 and
Germany
Use synonyms
, with 7
Use synonyms
hour
Change to a plural noun
hours
show examples
. The
UK
Use synonyms
 spent the most
time
Use synonyms
 in bed, peaking at 8,5
Use synonyms
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, three, uk, japan, germany, time, hour with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: