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Band 4.5

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries
#proportion #population #three #countries
The following chart demonstrates differences in the population rate among elderly
people
 from 65 and over since 1940 and there is
also
 given a predictable rise until 2040 in the
USA
,
Sweden
 and
Japan
. It is clear from the graph that the number of old aged
people
 in all three countries is expected to have an upward trend. Now turning to the details,
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 20 years saw a gradual rise in the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of elderly
people
 in the
USA
 and
Sweden
 as opposed to a gradual decrease
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 almost 2% in
Japan
.
According to
 the graph, we can see that there was a significant increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 old aged
people
 by just over 5% in the
USA
 and
Sweden
 between 1960 and 1980,
while
 the percentage of old
Japaneses
Correct your spelling
Japanese
 stayed constant and remained at 3%. Before a steady growth at 14%, almost until 2018, the proportion of American elderly
people
 decreased slightly by 2% in 1995. The old
aged
Replace the word
age
show examples
 population rate in
Japan
,
in
contrast
Add the comma(s)
,contrast
show examples
 rose by 2% in 2000,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reaching the same level as in 1940. It is interesting that since 2000 the amount of old
people
 in
Japan
 has increased moderately and 2030 is predicted to see
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
dramatic growth and will peak at 25%.
Next
Correct article usage
The next
show examples
 20 years in the
USA
 are expected to see a gradual rise in
scale
Add an article
the scale
show examples
 of old
people
, which will reach almost 23%,
while
 before a gradual growth in 2025, the old
people
 scale in
Sweden
 will decrease slightly by approximately 5%.
Overall
, in the future is predicted that
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
longevity among elderly
people
 will increase in the
USA
,
Sweden
 and
Japan
.
Submitted by iooganbekov on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, usa, sweden, japan with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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