Wealth does not necessarily guaranty happiness. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#wealth #guaranty #happiness

There are many people to believe that

money

is vital to have a fulfilling

life

and makes feel satisfy.

This

is a fact, in

this

time

and age, wealth can purchase opportunities. I partly agree with

this

statement, the most significant thing in

life

is spending

time

and sharing moments with friends and family and these cannot be bought with

money

. A lot of people are though that

to be

Suggestion

being

rich person are the highest level in society, and these people can have satisfied

life

This

is because these people have more opportunities and

time

than middle-level

people namely

Accept comma addition

people, namely

traveling foreign

Accept comma addition

travelling, foreign

travelling foreign

countries, spending

time

on hobbies, family, and friends.

In addition

, these people could afford to give their children higher education, and with

this

the children can obtain better employment.

In other words

, taking advance education is a big advantage that can bring contentment in

life

However

, I believe that trust and happiness

such

as, bonds with family and friends cannot be purchased with

money

. In my country, it is said

money

can break any relationships and trust with friends. According to a survey by

Tokyo university

Suggestion

a Tokyo university

about which is the most important in

life wealth

Accept comma addition

life, wealth

or relationship the majority of people answered

money

is less essential in

life

and

dose

mature female of mammals of which the male is called 'buck'

does

not replace to other properties. In conclusion, having

money

has some advantages that it can obtain excellent moments and products,

however

it has

also

some disadvantages. Wealth can destroy you with somebody sometimes and it is impossible to exchange

money

for true relationship.

Submitted by 19960305m on Tue May 05 2020

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

254 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Wealth does not necessarily guaranty happiness. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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