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Band 5.5

Wealth does not necessarily guaranty happiness. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#wealth #guaranty #happiness
There are many people to believe that
money
 is vital to have a fulfilling
life
 and makes feel satisfy.
This
 is a fact, in
this
time
 and age, wealth can purchase opportunities. I partly agree with
this
 statement, the most significant thing in
life
 is spending
time
 and sharing moments with friends and family and these cannot be bought with
money
. A lot of people are though that
to be
Suggestion
being
 rich person are the highest level in society, and these people can have satisfied
life
.
This
 is because these people have more opportunities and
time
 than middle-level
people namely
Accept comma addition
people, namely
,
traveling foreign
Accept comma addition
travelling, foreign
travelling foreign
 countries, spending
time
 on hobbies, family, and friends.
In addition
, these people could afford to give their children higher education, and with
this
 the children can obtain better employment.
In other words
, taking advance education is a big advantage that can bring contentment in
life
.
However
, I believe that trust and happiness
such
 as, bonds with family and friends cannot be purchased with
money
. In my country, it is said
money
 can break any relationships and trust with friends. According to a survey by
Tokyo university
Suggestion
a Tokyo university
 about which is the most important in
life wealth
Accept comma addition
life, wealth
 or relationship the majority of people answered
money
 is less essential in
life
 and
dose
mature female of mammals of which the male is called 'buck'
does
 not replace to other properties. In conclusion, having
money
 has some advantages that it can obtain excellent moments and products,
however
 it has
also
 some disadvantages. Wealth can destroy you with somebody sometimes and it is impossible to exchange
money
 for true relationship.
Submitted by 19960305m on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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