IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Wealth does not necessarily guaranty happiness. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#wealth #guaranty #happiness
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There are many people to believe that
money
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 is vital to have a fulfilling
life
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 and makes feel satisfy.
This
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 is a fact, in
this
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time
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 and age, wealth can purchase opportunities. I partly agree with
this
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 statement, the most significant thing in
life
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 is spending
time
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 and sharing moments with friends and family and these cannot be bought with
money
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. A lot of people are though that
to be
Suggestion
being
 rich person are the highest level in society, and these people can have satisfied
life
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.
This
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 is because these people have more opportunities and
time
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 than middle-level
people namely
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people, namely
,
traveling foreign
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travelling, foreign
travelling foreign
 countries, spending
time
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 on hobbies, family, and friends.
In addition
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, these people could afford to give their children higher education, and with
this
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 the children can obtain better employment.
In other words
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, taking advance education is a big advantage that can bring contentment in
life
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.
However
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, I believe that trust and happiness
such
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 as, bonds with family and friends cannot be purchased with
money
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. In my country, it is said
money
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 can break any relationships and trust with friends. According to a survey by
Tokyo university
Suggestion
a Tokyo university
 about which is the most important in
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life wealth
Accept comma addition
life, wealth
 or relationship the majority of people answered
money
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 is less essential in
life
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 and
dose
mature female of mammals of which the male is called 'buck'
does
 not replace to other properties. In conclusion, having
money
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 has some advantages that it can obtain excellent moments and products,
however
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 it has
also
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 some disadvantages. Wealth can destroy you with somebody sometimes and it is impossible to exchange
money
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 for true relationship.
Submitted by 19960305m on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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