IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Globalisation has both advantages and disadvantages. Discuss both and give your opinion

It is true that owing to
technology
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technological
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 development world
become
Wrong verb form
is becoming
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 smaller and smaller day by day. It leads to globalisation throughout the universe.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 there are pros and cons to globalize
the
Correct article usage
apply
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countries
Use synonyms
, in my opinion, the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages.
In
Change preposition
On
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 the one hand, there are several benefits
for
Change preposition
of
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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globalisation.
Firstly
Linking Words
, developed
countries
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 can outsource their production to poorer
countries
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 to make lower final prices.
For example
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,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of famous car
manufacturer
Fix the agreement mistake
manufacturers
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Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as TOYOTA, outsource the whole car manufacturing or some parts of the car to other
countries
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. Apart from the customers
which
Fix the agreement mistake
who
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 can purchase the goods cheaper, a great deal of job
opportunity
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opportunities
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creates
Wrong verb form
are created
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 in poorer
countries
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, people from poorer
countries
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 can migrate to the developed
countries
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 for work and study, which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 to reduce the rate of unemployment.
Finally
Linking Words
,
by
Change preposition
with
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 globalisation, crises like diseases and other international problems can be overcome easily.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, even though
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 there are several benefits in regard to
globalization
Change the spelling
globalisation
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, there are still many drawbacks.
While
Linking Words
 outsourcing is beneficial for the poorer
countries
Use synonyms
, they may lose their resources
easy
Replace the word
easily
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 and
cheap
Replace the word
cheaply
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, they may use their underground resources to produce materials at a very low price.
In addition
Linking Words
, big corporations may exploit cheap workers without considering their rights.
Moreover
Linking Words
, migration from poor
countries
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 to the rich
one
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ones
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lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of qualified and experienced
worker
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workers
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 in the origin
countries
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. In conclusion,
however
Linking Words
,
globalization
Change the spelling
globalisation
show examples
 is beneficial and disadvantageous for all
countries
Use synonyms
 and people
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 in my opinion, the merits far outweigh the drawbacks.

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improvement
Task Response: The essay gives a view and a discussion, but it needs a clear plan at the start. State your view in one line, then talk about the ideas in order.
tip
Task Response: Each main point should be shown with a clear example and a brief explain how it helps or harms. Add two or three solid examples.
improvement
Coherence and Cohesion: Link ideas with simple words like first, next, also, but, and finally. Make sure every paragraph has one main idea.
structure
Coherence and Cohesion: Use a clear start, a body with 2-3 ideas, and a short end. End each paragraph with a word or sentence that closes the thought.
position
The writer shows a clear view that advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
structure
Essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
content
Some real examples (outsourcing, migration) are used.
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