IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

People should be allowed to continue to work for as long as they want to, and not be forced to retire at a particular age such as 60 or 65. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #work #age
As far as we all know that when we reach the age of sixty or above, our bodies will get to another level of our life.
In other words
, we will be old in that period of life.
However
, there is an idea about people should be allowed to continue their
work
 as long as they prefer to, and not be forced to retire or get out of their works when they reach 60 or 65. From my point of view, I disagree with
this
 idea for many reasons, described in the following essays
To begin
 with, I strongly believe that people of these ages should not
work
 when they reach 60 or 65 because of their bodies. When their bodies get into these ages, they will not resist or stand to the hard-working anymore.
In other words
, they cannot
work
 like before. If all of them can remember when they are twenty, they can
work
 so well with their energies.
However
, when they are sixty, they will be tired every single time after they finished the works. Their bodies should have relaxation more than before.
Moreover
, there are more possibilities that they can get into the hospital to cure their serious consequences after they
work
 too hard.
For example
, if their bodies have a limited number of times at eigh
t
Suggestion
in
hours a day, but they
work
 for twelve hours a day, they can get a serious effect on their life.
Thus
, people should stay at home to relax.
Besides
, there has been a lot of cases that their salaries are dropped because the new generation of people nowadays has many skills that can suitable for the office more than the elders.
Therefore
, the headman of their office decreases the number of their salaries because their talents are not useful like the new generation of people. In conclusion, I strongly disagree with
this
 viewpoint since it seems to be that the drawbacks of being elders and working hard in these ages are tough for them. In simple terms, People in 60 or 65 should relax at home and stay calm. It will have more benefits to stay at home for them.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: