IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #future
We are standing at the new dawn of the developed world.
Therefore
, some people suppose that saving money for the future is crucial for everyone including young
residents
.
This
 essay will present some reasons why I am partly convinced by
this
 statement. On the one hand, there are some benefits when people save money for the future. First of all, nowadays, there is very little reasonable housing for
residents
 or next generations to purchase.
Besides
, all goods and amenities or services are more expensive than in the past.
Therefore
, saving is necessary for everybody to obtain anything.
In addition
, having more savings can help inhabitants carry out their plans without concern and be more comfortable.
For example
, some youngsters want to travel to different nations or study abroad without scholarships.
Hence
, if they can have an available income from saving, they can easily conduct their intentions above.
On the other hand
, there are some issues that need to be paid attention to.
First,
saving can sometimes cause problems
due to
 misunderstandings about it. Some
residents
 misunderstand between thrift and stinginess and they begin to save too much.
Therefore
, it can lead to a decrease in the quality of life.
For instance
, some
residents
 suppose that it is wasting to use medical services or buy fresh foods.
Furthermore
, they begin to use poor services or gain food of unknown origin at cheap prices that can cause many diseases. In conclusion,
although
 I agree that all people especially youngsters should have a safe salary for their future intentions, from my perspective, they
also
 need to use money at a reasonable criteria for now.
Submitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position and provides context for the essay. However, try to make your thesis statement a bit clearer on whether you fully agree or just partly agree, to enhance clarity.
task achievement
You have addressed the task appropriately, but ensure that your main points are expanded upon with more detailed examples. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
While you have good ideas, the explanation of counterarguments can be elaborate and comparing both views more effectively can add depth to your essay. Consider balancing the discussion by equally emphasizing the points for and against.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with clear introduction and conclusion elements. Focus on enhancing the flow between paragraphs by adding transition words and phrases that can guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
While your main ideas are supported, they could be developed more fully. Try to provide more evidence and examples for your points, rather than general statements.
coherence cohesion
Minimize grammatical errors and try to use more varied sentence structures. This effort will help make your writing more engaging and polished.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and provide a good sense of structure to your essay.
task achievement
The essay covers the task well, addressing both sides of the argument and giving a fair viewpoint.
task achievement
You have identified and explained some key points effectively, contributing to a clear overall direction for your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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