IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The amount of time spend on sports and exercise should be increased in order to tackle the problem of overweight What other solutions can you suggest ?

#amount #time #sports #exercise
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With the advent of
21 st
Correct your spelling
the 21st
 century human race has grown significantly in terms of technology and innovation. Owing to the technical advancements, one can conclude that
this
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 era is
golden
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a golden
the golden
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 period for humans. From various fast means of transportation to the instant mode of communication we are connected to every single part of the world in real time.
However
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, technological advancement brings various negative developments, the most common is increasing
obesity
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 amongst millennials and
school going
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school-going
show examples
 children.
Obesity
Use synonyms
 is one of the most prevalent health issues at present amongst kids which is caused by several reasons
such
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 as unhealthy eating habits, changing
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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 and increasing dependency on medicines. There is a thought of
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 who believe that the amount of time on physical activities and games should be increased in order to curb
obesity
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 amongst obese children.
In addition
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, there are numerous ways
with
Change preposition
in
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 which
obesity
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 can be reduced
such
Linking Words
 as
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a balance
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balance
Correct your spelling
balanced
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diet
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,
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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 lifestyle, and
cut
Wrong verb form
cutting
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 down
in
Change preposition
on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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fatty & sugary food.
Use synonyms
Balance
Replace the word
Balanced
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diet
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 can be defined as a type of
diet
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 which is comprises
of
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apply
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essential nutrients (vitamins, protein & fibers) required on
the
Correct article usage
a
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 daily basis for the proper functioning of the body. One can obtain nutrients by consuming green vegetables, fruits, legumes,
whole
Correct word choice
and whole
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 grains on
the
Correct article usage
a
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 daily basis.
According to
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the
Capitalize word
The
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 Lancet of 2019, a renowned medical journal, stated that globally 2 children out of three
suffers
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suffer
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 from
obesity
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 globally and 90% of the
obesity
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 cases under the
are
Correct your spelling
age
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 of 18 are owing to the lack
Use synonyms
balance
Correct your spelling
balanced
show examples
diet
Use synonyms
. Ergo,
Correct article usage
a
show examples
Correct your spelling
balanced
show examples
balance
Use synonyms
diet
Use synonyms
 is essential to keep
obesity
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 in check
amongst
Change preposition
among
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 kids.
Secondly
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, by cutting down the consumption of fatty and sugary food,
obesity
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 can be avoided as fats and carbohydrates are the primary cause of
obesity
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. With the excessive consumption
butter
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of butter
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, oil and sugar the amount of fats increase in
body
Correct article usage
the body
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 and
accumulates
Correct subject-verb agreement
accumulate
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 in the skin tissues
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
leads
Wrong verb form
leading
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 to
the
Correct article usage
an
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 excessive increase in
body’s
Correct article usage
the body’s
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 weight. There are several other factors with which
obesity
Use synonyms
 problem can be eradicated
such
Linking Words
 as good body posture, exercise and proper sleeping cycle. I
also
Linking Words
 strongly believe that by increasing the physical activities in schools,
overweight
Add an article
the overweight
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 problem can be reduced significantly.
To sum up
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, it can be said that the increasing
obesity
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 is a huge challenge for the present generation and
overweight
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the overweight
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 problem can be avoided by
adoption
Replace the word
adopting
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healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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 lifestyle school going and eating habits.

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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