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Band 4

The amount of time spend on sports and exercise should be increased in order to tackle the problem of overweight What other solutions can you suggest ?

#amount #time #sports #exercise
With the advent of
21 st
Correct your spelling
the 21st
 century human race has grown significantly in terms of technology and innovation. Owing to the technical advancements, one can conclude that
this
 era is
golden
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a golden
the golden
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 period for humans. From various fast means of transportation to the instant mode of communication we are connected to every single part of the world in real time.
However
, technological advancement brings various negative developments, the most common is increasing
obesity
 amongst millennials and
school going
Add a hyphen
school-going
show examples
 children.
Obesity
 is one of the most prevalent health issues at present amongst kids which is caused by several reasons
such
 as unhealthy eating habits, changing
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
 and increasing dependency on medicines. There is a thought of
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 who believe that the amount of time on physical activities and games should be increased in order to curb
obesity
 amongst obese children.
In addition
, there are numerous ways
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 which
obesity
 can be reduced
such
 as
Correct article usage
a balance
show examples
balance
Correct your spelling
balanced
show examples
diet
,
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle, and
cut
Wrong verb form
cutting
show examples
 down
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fatty & sugary food.
Balance
Replace the word
Balanced
show examples
diet
 can be defined as a type of
diet
 which is comprises
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
essential nutrients (vitamins, protein & fibers) required on
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 daily basis for the proper functioning of the body. One can obtain nutrients by consuming green vegetables, fruits, legumes,
whole
Correct word choice
and whole
show examples
 grains on
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 daily basis.
According to
the
Capitalize word
The
show examples
 Lancet of 2019, a renowned medical journal, stated that globally 2 children out of three
suffers
Change the verb form
suffer
show examples
 from
obesity
 globally and 90% of the
obesity
 cases under the
are
Correct your spelling
age
show examples
 of 18 are owing to the lack
balance
Correct your spelling
balanced
show examples
diet
. Ergo,
Correct article usage
a
show examples
Correct your spelling
balanced
show examples
balance
diet
 is essential to keep
obesity
 in check
amongst
Change preposition
among
show examples
 kids.
Secondly
, by cutting down the consumption of fatty and sugary food,
obesity
 can be avoided as fats and carbohydrates are the primary cause of
obesity
. With the excessive consumption
butter
Change preposition
of butter
show examples
, oil and sugar the amount of fats increase in
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
 and
accumulates
Correct subject-verb agreement
accumulate
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 in the skin tissues
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
leads
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 excessive increase in
body’s
Correct article usage
the body’s
show examples
 weight. There are several other factors with which
obesity
 problem can be eradicated
such
 as good body posture, exercise and proper sleeping cycle. I
also
 strongly believe that by increasing the physical activities in schools,
overweight
Add an article
the overweight
show examples
 problem can be reduced significantly.
To sum up
, it can be said that the increasing
obesity
 is a huge challenge for the present generation and
overweight
Add an article
the overweight
show examples
 problem can be avoided by
adoption
Replace the word
adopting
show examples
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle school going and eating habits.

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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