Personal experiences in community service and/or involvement

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Located on the southern coast of West Java, Indonesia, facing the magnificent Indian Ocean,
Pangandaran
is a coastal town blessed with scenic landscapes and abundant fisheries potential.
However
, the city struggled to maintain its economic resources
due to
environmental degradation and its vulnerability to natural disasters,
such
as tsunamis and abrasion. These issues led me to join a
community
service project in
Pangandaran
organized by the student association in my
department
during my undergraduate studies at Bandung Institute of Technology (ITB), Indonesia.
This
project
also
collaborated with the
Department
of Oceanography ITB and local government. During my time in
Pangandaran
, I chose to live among the resilient fishermen in a traditional fishing village, where locals engage in conventional fishing techniques that contribute to the local economy. I initiated conversations about their sustainable practices and engaged in their daily fishing activities. I was amazed by their toughness and shrewdness in finding and catching fish
while
fighting the rough waves of the ocean. Immersed in their world, I witnessed their challenges: unpredictable weather, shifted fishing environment, and degrading coastal
ecosystem
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ecosystems
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. Realizing their environmental problems, we took the initiative to replant the mangrove forest along the coastline near the village.
This
mangrove reforestation project aims to protect the environment and provide a sustainable source of income for fishing communities and a natural barrier against the fury of the sea. With the local government’s support and
community
members’ active participation, we planted hundreds of mangrove saplings, creating a thriving coastal buffer to nurture a sustainable future. As I recognized the vulnerability of the residents to natural disasters, we embarked on a mission to educate elementary and high school students about disaster mitigation and environmental sustainability. We delved into the intricacies of emergency preparedness, evacuation procedures, and basic first aid through interactive sessions. The challenge was not merely conveying information but instilling a sense of resilience and preparedness in these young minds. I incorporated storytelling, games, and visual aids to make the learning experience engaging and memorable.
Furthermore
, in collaboration with the
Department
of Oceanography ITB and the local education
department
, we
also
arranged a teaching syllabus, workshops, and seminars for teachers to enhance their teaching skills and methods regarding disaster mitigation and coastal ecosystems for the sustainability of the project’s impact in the future. The impact went beyond the classroom; these students and teachers became safety ambassadors, sharing their knowledge with families and friends, creating a ripple effect of awareness throughout the
community
.
Finally
,
this
experience was not just about service but a mutual exchange of knowledge. Through my involvement in various projects, I have not only been able to contribute positively to the
community
, but I have
also
gained invaluable skills and experiences that will stay with me for a lifetime. My commitment to service has been strengthened, and I carry the lessons learned in
Pangandaran
as I embark on future
endeavors
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endeavours
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, understanding that the positive impact of a single individual can echo far beyond the shores of a coastal town.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear and logical sequence of ideas. Transition words or phrases should guide the reader through your arguments or narrative effectively. The structure of this essay is generally clear, but there could be a more explicit connection between the community service activities and their outcomes.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present and articulate the main idea and reflection of the essay respectively, you can improve the introduction by providing a clearer thesis statement that outlines the specific aspects of community service that will be discussed. The conclusion could also reinforce the thesis by summarizing the main points more concisely.
coherence cohesion
Main points should be well-supported with specific examples and evidence. While you did provide relevant examples from your experiences, ensure that each is clearly explained and connected back to the overarching purpose of the essay. This creates better support and understanding for the reader.
task achievement
You have responded to the task by sharing personal experiences related to community service. To further enhance your response, provide more insight into how these experiences have led to concrete results within the community or any personal development that has been influenced by these experiences. This will demonstrate a deeper reflection and understanding of the task.
task achievement
Your essay exhibits clear and comprehensive ideas about your personal involvement in community service. To improve, you might add more detail to explain the processes and personal implications of these services more deeply, giving the reader a better understanding of the complexities and benefits of your activities.
task achievement
You have effectively used relevant and specific examples of your community service activities. To strengthen your essay, try to link back these examples to the overall impact these activities had on you and the community. This will emphasize the significance of your experiences and participation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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