Childhood obesity is becoming a problem throughout the developed world. Because of this, some people think that adverts for fast food, sweets and sugary snacks should not be allowed in school and college. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this

#childhood #obesity #world #people #adverts #food #sweets #snacks #school #college

Globalization process have positive and negative sights. One if the drawback is

obeseness

a commercial or industrial enterprise and the people who constitute it

business

among children, which is increasing in the developed country. Some people think, that promotion for junky food, desserts and sugar items need to prohibit in educational establishments like schools and colleges. I agree with

this

statement and in

this

essay, I will explain some reasons and effects.

Firstly

, according

World Health Organization

Suggestion

the World Health Organization

(WHO) the number of obese children and adolescents (aged 5 to 19 years) worldwide has risen tenfold in the past four decades.

This

negative tendency are result from leading

unhealthy lifestyle

Suggestion

an unhealthy lifestyle

as parents so children. What I mean here is that consumption junky foods, candies and

sugars

Suggestion

sugar

snacks, which kids and students can

easy

Suggestion

easily

buy at the school or college. In

this

occasion advertisement stimulates and encourages

children desire

Suggestion

a child's desire

child's desire

the child's desire

to consume unhealthy food. Because, advertisement triggers young generation with attractive,

colorful

having striking color

colourful

pictures and video.

Moreover

, at the school or college children are not under

parent’s control

Suggestion

a parent’s control

the parent’s control

consequently

they are easily accessible from vending machine and cafeteria in school and college.

On the other hand

, banning adverts for unhealthy food is not the main solution. It will be more effective when parents and children will educate themselves about the health problems like obesity, diabetes, hypertension and cancer. In most cases,

parent

Suggestion

the parent

a parent

do not need

Suggestion

does not need

to educate their

child

Suggestion

children

, parents should to show with themselves examples and to be

role model

Suggestion

the role model

a role model

role models

of healthy person for children. To sum up, it is evident that childhood overweight is

serious question

Suggestion

a serious question

in worldwide. We know a several causes and variety negative effects of obesity. Nowadays, people need simple to combat with

this

problem.

Submitted by abdrakhmanova.assel16 on Thu May 07 2020

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Fully explain your ideas

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

273 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Childhood obesity is becoming a problem throughout the developed world. Because of this, some people think that adverts for fast food, sweets and sugary snacks should not be allowed in school and college. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this

Fully explain your ideas

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In the past it was only possible to contact people at home by letter or telephone. Nowadays, mobile devices mean that we can communicate with people anywhere and at any time. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that social media sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, have a negative impact on young people and their ability to form personal relationships. Others believe that these sites bring people together in a beneficial way.

In some countries, most people prefer to rent a house rather than buy their houses. What are the advantages of renting a home? Should governments subsidies house prices for first home buyers?