Childhood obesity is becoming a problem throughout the developed world. Because of this, some people think that adverts for fast food, sweets and sugary snacks should not be allowed in school and college. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this

#childhood #obesity #world #people #adverts #food #sweets #snacks #school #college

Globalization process have positive and negative sights. One if the drawback is

obeseness

a commercial or industrial enterprise and the people who constitute it

business

among children, which is increasing in the developed country. Some people think, that promotion for junky food, desserts and sugar items need to prohibit in educational establishments like schools and colleges. I agree with

this

statement and in

this

essay, I will explain some reasons and effects.

Firstly

, according

World Health Organization

Suggestion

the World Health Organization

(WHO) the number of obese children and adolescents (aged 5 to 19 years) worldwide has risen tenfold in the past four decades.

This

negative tendency are result from leading

unhealthy lifestyle

Suggestion

an unhealthy lifestyle

as parents so children. What I mean here is that consumption junky foods, candies and

sugars

Suggestion

sugar

snacks, which kids and students can

easy

Suggestion

easily

buy at the school or college. In

this

occasion advertisement stimulates and encourages

children desire

Suggestion

a child's desire

child's desire

the child's desire

to consume unhealthy food. Because, advertisement triggers young generation with attractive,

colorful

having striking color

colourful

pictures and video.

Moreover

, at the school or college children are not under

parent’s control

Suggestion

a parent’s control

the parent’s control

consequently

they are easily accessible from vending machine and cafeteria in school and college.

On the other hand

, banning adverts for unhealthy food is not the main solution. It will be more effective when parents and children will educate themselves about the health problems like obesity, diabetes, hypertension and cancer. In most cases,

parent

Suggestion

the parent

a parent

do not need

Suggestion

does not need

to educate their

child

Suggestion

children

, parents should to show with themselves examples and to be

role model

Suggestion

the role model

a role model

role models

of healthy person for children. To sum up, it is evident that childhood overweight is

serious question

Suggestion

a serious question

in worldwide. We know a several causes and variety negative effects of obesity. Nowadays, people need simple to combat with

this

problem.

Submitted by abdrakhmanova.assel16 on Thu May 07 2020

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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

273 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Childhood obesity is becoming a problem throughout the developed world. Because of this, some people think that adverts for fast food, sweets and sugary snacks should not be allowed in school and college. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

You recently ate at a local restaurant with your family and want to write to the local newspaper to tell them About the restaurant What you ate Why you would / would not recommend this restaurant

As technology advances travelling to space is likely to become an option for Holidaymakers in the future. what do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of space tourism?

In some country, more and more adults are continuing to live with their parents even after they have completed education and found jobs. Do the advantages outweight the disadvantages.

Some people think it is better for children to grow up in the city, while others think that life in the countryside for children is more suitable for them. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both places for children to grow up?