IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows how frequently people in USA are in fast food restaurants between 2003 and 2013.

The bar chart below shows how frequently people in USA are in fast food restaurants between 2003 and 2013.
#bar #people #usa #food #restaurants
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart compares the proportion of Americans who consumed fast
foods
Use synonyms
During
Change preposition
Over
show examples
 10 years.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 who ate fast
foods
Use synonyms
 every day and never
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 about 4 per cent and 5 per cent.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the amount of Americans who consumed fast food once a week and once or twice a month or higher at about 32% and 30%
overall
Linking Words
. It is noticeable that the relative amount of
people
Use synonyms
 who went to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
restaurants several times a week or a few times a year
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 around 17%and 14%
Change preposition
in totally
show examples
totally
Change the word
total
show examples
.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who ate fast
foods
Use synonyms
 in terms of how frequently they eat
increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 significantly between every day up to once a week.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, as we can see the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 who consumed fast
Use synonyms
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 rarely in a month less than that
Add the comma(s)
, for example,
show examples
for example
Linking Words
 a few times a year or never, reduce greatly in all 3 years.
Submitted by sarvnaz.shadi2000 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words foods, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: