IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists but not local people. Why is this the case and what can be done to attract more local people to visit these places?

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Many
museums
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 and historical sites have become attractions to tourists
although
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 they fail to increase the number of local visitors.
This
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 essay will analyze some main reasons for
this
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as well as
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 measures to encourage more
people
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 to visit
such
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places
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. The causes for the huge difference in the number of the two mentioned types of visitors are varied.
First,
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people
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 who live in the neighbourhood seem to be familiar with their traditional customs and history. Going to those
places
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 would be
therefore
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 a waste of time and money owning to the entrance cost, and
people
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 would not pay an amount of money to see what they have already known. Meanwhile, tourists from other
places
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 tend to pay a visit to
museums
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 to know more about a new culture when travelling to a new region.
Second,
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the design of
museums
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 and historical sites almost remained unchanged throughout decades, which can be visually unattractive to local residents who have been there at least once in earlier years.
However
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, these
places
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 always pick tourists’ curiosity during their first trip. Some measures can be taken to stimulate more local inhabitants to visit
museums
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 and historical
places
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.
To begin
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 with, those
places
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 should serve both education and entertainment purposes. More game zones should be constructed or didactic as well and recreational competitions should be conducted to increase the number of locals who come to enjoy their time.
Furthermore
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, if the layout of
museums
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 and historical sites is removed with more decorations and ornate designs of the interior, not only tourists but
also
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 more local visitors will come. In conclusion, there are two principal causes for the locals’ disinterest in spending their time in nearby
museums
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 and historical
places
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 as mentioned, and actions should be taken to encourage
people
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 to go to
such
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places
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.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure the essay has a clear logical structure throughout, using a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively.
coherence cohesion
Although main ideas are present and the essay includes an introduction and conclusion, strive for more variety and complexity in sentence structures to heighten coherence.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. While you've provided reasons and measures, incorporating more specific examples and detailed explanations could enhance clarity and impact of your arguments.
task achievement
To improve your task achievement score, make sure your response fully addresses all aspects of the prompt, delivers clear and comprehensive ideas throughout, and ties each point back to the question to maintain relevancy.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. This will help illustrate your points and make your essay more persuasive and insightful, relevant examples add depth to your essay and help demonstrate a complete understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Take for granted
  • Economical constraints
  • Routine obligations
  • Programming
  • Cater
  • Engagement
  • Community involvement
  • Personal connection
  • Cultural relevance
  • Discounts
  • Sense of ownership
  • Interactive exhibits
  • Local traditions
  • Field trips
  • Cultural bond
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