IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while some people think that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #people #job #satisfaction #security
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Nowadays, one of the most significant things
that is
Linking Words
 needed by every citizen living in our
siciety
an extended social group having a distinctive cultural and economic organization
society
 is the career, in order to live in peace and happiness. Frankly, we cannot deny that that the terms about the
job
Use synonyms
 may
differ but
Accept comma addition
differ, but
 the main purpose is required by the people. Let's us discuss either
job
Use synonyms
 satisfaction is of great importance than jab security or vice
versa or
Accept comma addition
versa, or
 permanent
job
Use synonyms
 is likely to be the best
term
Use synonyms
.
First
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 and foremost,
job
Use synonyms
 satisfaction is the
term
Use synonyms
 defined by the people who like to live
according the salary
Suggestion
according to the salary
that is
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 provided by the
job
Use synonyms
 without searching for another
way
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 to get the money for their children.
Furthermore
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, these
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type
Suggestion
types
 of people
seems
Suggestion
seem
 to be that they have lack of future map because if
this
Linking Words
 source of
job
Use synonyms
 stopped or suspended due to
unexpected situation
Suggestion
unexpected situations, for
unexpected situations for
an unexpected situation for
for example
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, making a dangerous
sergury which
Accept comma addition
surgery, which
surgery which
 will lead the leader of the house to sit without work
this
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ofcourse
Suggestion
of course
 will affect the family in a negative
way
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.
Secondly
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, the
second
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type
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 of worker or the other
term
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 given to the people who are
afarid
filled with fear or apprehension
afraid
 about their
job
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 and are working day and night in order to maintain their
job
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 without being harmed these
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type
Suggestion
types
 of people define their
Use synonyms
job as
Suggestion
job as
job
Use synonyms
 security.
Moreover
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, these
partition
Suggestion
partitions
 of the community they scarifies their time in protecting their career against the
worng
not correct; not in conformity with fact or truth
wrong
 people.
For instance
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, in our today's live some of the
commputer
a machine for performing calculations automatically
computer
 users are known as a hacker, theses
type
Use synonyms
 of people they steal the information of the other users without their
pormission
approval to do something
permission
 which is a murder in our society and it is illegal. So, the
job
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 security men or women have the responsibilities to protect the user's online information by updating new softwares to hide the most important knowledge from the hackers.
For example
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, Bank accounts and so on. On the other side of the coin, some people support the
term
Use synonyms
 which is known as permanent
job
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were
In or at or to what place
where
thw
definite article
the
 people need a safe
way
Use synonyms
 to earn a salary without any difficulties in the near or far future. Indeed, an example of these
Use synonyms
type
Suggestion
types
 of people like the people who owns a company
,
Accept space
,
 they will get a constant income in every working hour. In conclusion, we now have the ability to know and identify every
type
Use synonyms
 of career in our country and
every one
all people
everyone
 has the right to plan the best
way
Use synonyms
 to live without
opsticles
something immaterial that stands in the way and must be circumvented or surmounted
obstacles
 in the
live
Suggestion
liver
life
.
Submitted by bishouykamal444 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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