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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People are becoming dependent on the Internet and phone. Do the benefits of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #internet #phone #outweigh
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Technology development is on
it’s
of a thing, of it; possessive form of "it"
its
 boom, and has taken
toll
Suggestion
a toll
 over our day life’s. Its dependency has drawn us to its addiction. It is very rare to find anyone not being dependent on these tools and could communicate independently. In
this
 essay I will highlight the benefits of
this
trend
 which outweigh its disadvantages. One of the negative impacts of using these technologies is not being able to
convers
carry on a conversation
converse
convert
 directly face to face. To some
extent
Accept comma addition
extent, this
this
trend
 has
change
Suggestion
changed
 the approach of people interaction towards one another. People now tend to use phones and
internet
Suggestion
the internet
 as the only means of communication. Platforms
such
 as
face book
Suggestion
Facebook
facebook
, twitter and what’s app are used very often for texting. A recent empirical research in
US
Suggestion
the US
, revealed there are 8 billion
messages shared
Accept comma addition
messages, shared
 on
daily basis
Suggestion
a daily basis
this
trend
 is not only creating the social distancing among people but
also
 depriving people lack of understanding and supporting ones another. Despite
this
, there are several other advantages to it. Phones has made communication easier than ever. One can connect to a person sitting miles away with no restriction on time and its connectivity.
This
 aspect has led many benefits towards one’s personal and professional approach towards life. With
internet
 access and mobile phones in hand people are able to share pictures, text and news with their loved ones.
Internet
 and phone development has contributed immensely across the world economy. A recent article in the newspaper published showing in
earlier day
Suggestion
earlier days
an earlier day
 with no
internet
 access people had to wait for letter and post cards to communicate whereas now with the
internet
 access and phone the same can be done with no much
efforts
Suggestion
effort
. With
variety
Suggestion
a variety
the variety
 of advancement in the technology it has brought lots of positive effects in our lives. In conclusion, though there has been a drastic slowdown of interacting with people in
person
Accept comma addition
person, however
however
, it has made a communication a lot easier to share views and knowledge with anyone and everyone
this
trend
 has had a positive impact overall on society.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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