IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some think that governments should support retired people financially while others believe they should take care of themselves. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#think #governments #support #people #care
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Old
age
Use synonyms
 is the
age
Use synonyms
 which
compel
Suggestion
compels
 to someone to
relay
have confidence or faith in
rely
 on others for their needs, because in
this
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
 person is not able to do their work by self. Some persons believe that ministry should help them to survive or
on the other
Linking Words
hand few
Accept comma addition
hand, few
 think that it is their own responsibility to feed themselves. In
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both the facets of
this
Linking Words
 proposal reaching a logical conclusion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, people who think that
authority
Suggestion
the authority
 should not take
care
Use synonyms
 of
elderly
Suggestion
the elderly
 are not capable to decide the difference in working or retired people. In old
age
Use synonyms
 they have a plethora of diseases which are preventing them to work or walk. It is not hard to younger person who is full with energy can survive by their own. Facilities like health
care
Use synonyms
, pension and subside in transport are the compulsory and initial for
elderly
Suggestion
the elderly
, because the are not able to handle
extra work burden
Suggestion
the extra work burden
 to support them.
Secondly
Linking Words
, aged people are most commonly
effected
acted upon; influenced
affected
 by atrocious diseases which puts them in in
dilemma
Suggestion
a dilemma
 where they are not financially capable to get proper treatment because of the cost,
for example
Linking Words
,
cancer's cure
Suggestion
the cancer's cure
 is very expensive in everywhere, the
government
Use synonyms
 should have
pay
Suggestion
paid
 them for their
care
Use synonyms
 and treatment.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some individuals are oppose
this
Linking Words
 notion, they think it is not right to pay them any support because they should take
care
Use synonyms
for
Suggestion
of
 their self from their saving or insurance.
Linking Words
Secondly it
Accept comma addition
Secondly, it
 is a responsibility of their kids to take
care
Use synonyms
 their parents. Everybody who worked
for
Suggestion
in
government
Use synonyms
 sector could get their pension from their organisation as old days funds. The
government
Use synonyms
should spent
Suggestion
should spend
 those
money
Suggestion
monies
 to
building
Suggestion
build
 schools to explore children's future and should invest it
on
Suggestion
in
 building hospitals to provide
best
Suggestion
better
 health
care
Use synonyms
 to their community,
for instance
Linking Words
, in India people taking
care
Use synonyms
 of their parents
at
Suggestion
in
 their own home they are not leaving them in aged cares so spending from their pocket on their treatments. In conclusion, the
government
Use synonyms
 should give them some facilities because of their
age
Use synonyms
 requirement do not pay them double pension should allocate some part to support them by not affecting other factors.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement
  • financial support
  • social responsibility
  • comfortable and secure
  • reduces poverty
  • safety net
  • limited resources
  • fairness and equality
  • personal responsibility
  • independence
  • financial planning
  • saving
  • burden on the government
  • control over retirement
  • economic growth
  • private investment
  • combination of approaches
What to do next:
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