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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school. Will this do good or harm to children?

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Since people treat education much more important, parents desire to try every possible measure to facilitate children's learning process. Recently, the phenomenon that parents give their children monetary rewards for getting
high mark
Suggestion
high marks
a high mark
 in school has caused wide public concern. Some people indicate that it will distort children's attitude toward
study
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, leading them to regard
money
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 as the ultimate aim of
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study
Suggestion
the study
.
However
Linking Words
, I am concerned that giving
money
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 to children as a
reward
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 is a good choice, which motivates children to persist in hard working and cultivates children's financial management. To start with, giving
money
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 to the children as a
reward
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 can stimulate children to
study
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 harder. When children get feedback
of
Suggestion
on
about
for
 their hard work, the
study
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 will become a happy job
instead
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 of just a boring duty. We cannot refute that sometimes
study
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 could be really boring, doing a lot of exercises, reading passages, working out math problems. So setting a goal for children is necessary for the children to keep their
interests
Suggestion
interest
. If they could use the
money
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 to buy what they want as a gift, children will pursue the good mark harder. 　　Another reason drives me to indicate is that, financial thinking as an important ability which is useful to the modern people, meaning that we need to teach our children how to manage their own
money
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. During the method that giving
money
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 as a
reward
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, children will have a chance to manage their own
money
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. Parents will benefit children not only to their current
life but
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life, but
also
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 to their future.
For instance
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, my mother used to give me some
money
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 as a
reward
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 when I was young. And I used that
money
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 to start my own account in the bank. After that, I would periodically save some
money
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, which has already become a large amount of
money
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 nowadays. In a conclusion, giving monetary rewards to children can not only encourage them to
study
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 hard, but
also
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 foster their financial management.
Therefore
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, I reinforce my perspective that it is good for parents to give their children
money
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 as a
reward
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 for getting
high mark
Suggestion
high marks
a high mark
 in school.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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