IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #person #opportunity
Having the opportunity to help other people are considered by some as the most important aspect of being rich. I completely agree that
this
 is the best part of the being rich.
Firstly
, wealthy people can help people in need by doing some
charity
 work. It will provide them the basic necessity of life to live. With the help of
charity
 work, they can extend support to their family members, which will give a sense of accomplishment to them.
For example
, some children who don't have an access the education because of poverty can get it thanks to the
charity
.
Therefore
, the
charity
 will not only help people, but
also motivate
Suggestion
also motivates
 them to work harder.
Secondly
, rich people have a financial ability, which will generate employment for people in need. Take construction of a factory,
for instance
, it will generate numerous number of jobs during the construction phase but
also
 after completion.
Thus
, business will help needy people to have a job, but will
also
 make rich people richer so they can help
further
.
Also
, creating employment will contribute the economy of the country. Some countries encourage the rich people for creating a new line of business.
Furthermore they
Accept comma addition
Furthermore, they
 make a tax cut for business men who contribute to the economy of the country In conclusion, rich people have the best chance of being able to help others which will give a sense of fulfilment to them and ultimately, make the lives of other people better.
Submitted by ezgi_usta on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • wealthy
  • financial resources
  • philanthropy
  • charitable organizations
  • donations
  • fundraising
  • support
  • initiatives
  • contribute
  • fulfillment
  • purpose
  • selfless
  • altruistic
  • prioritize
  • personal gain
What to do next:
Look at other essays: