there is more and more violence in movies and on tv, therefore it is necessary for the government to control the amount of it to decrease the violent crime in the society. do you agree or disagree

#violence #movies #tv #government #control #amount #decrease #crime #society

It's true that there are great amount of movies and TV dramas contain more and more violence scenes today. While some m

ay believes

Suggestion

may believe

that by controlling

this

kind of visual works can help reduce violent crimes in the real world, I can hardly agree with

this

idea. V

iolence

Suggestion

Violent

crime

is not directly related to

this

eason since

Accept comma addition

reason, since

there are many other aspects could make a person commit

crime

Firstly

, if one faces unsatisfied salary while he or she still has to take care of the whole family for decades, he may be too stressful to think normally and commit violence

crime

Secondly

, due to unbalanced society structure, someone has been beaten for years in school, he might fight back someday when he can not i

ndure

put up with something or somebody unpleasant

endure

any more. So

For example

, a young boy in our country, who b

orned

brought into existence

born

burned

bond

in a very poor family, when his classmate found out t

he true,

Suggestion

the truth

they bossed him and manipulates him for years, and he

finally

got angry and commit

crime

. So the problem of r

eal world

Suggestion

the real world

is the priority issue of violent

crime

. If the government a

re taking

Suggestion

is taking

takes

control of the amount of v

iolenc

an act of aggression (as one against a person who resists)

violence

in movies and TV, that will

also

arouse some problems.

Firstly

, it will not help p

rotecting

Suggestion

protect

to protect

the diversity of c

luture.

a particular society at a particular time and place

culture

Movies and TV s

eriers

similar things placed in order or happening one after another

series

serials

are a

Suggestion

artistic

creations, the reflections of r

eal world.

Suggestion

the real world

Cutting down one specific kinds of works will send a message to the c

reaters

a person who grows or makes or invents things

creators

creatures

this

area, they will lose freedom & motivation to create. In conclusion, I agree that reducing the v

iolence

Suggestion

violent

scene will have more disadvantages than benefit.

Submitted by iwillcheck2020 on Wed May 13 2020

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
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Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

262 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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there is more and more violence in movies and on tv, therefore it is necessary for the government to control the amount of it to decrease the violent crime in the society. do you agree or disagree

Fully explain your ideas

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, many people have to work long time, and they feel more stressful than before. What are the reasons? What employers can do to make their life easier?

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion!

Some people say it is more important to plant trees in the open spaces in towns and cities than to build more housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, there is a trend that reports of media focus on problems and emergencies rather than positive development. Some people think it is harmful to individuals and to society. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?