An increasing number of children are overweight which could result in many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and healthcare costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?

#children #terms #health #healthcare #costs

Nowadays,

obesity

is significantly and constantly growing among children and it has turned into a tormenting trend. I strongly believe

this

can have highly detrimental effects on their health in the future.

Therefore

this

essay will investigate reasons behind

this

worrying trend and

also

represent some possible solution to tackle

this

issue.

To begin

with,

obesity

amongst children can be attributed to two main reasons, junk foods and lack of exercise. Statistics reveal that children are the greatest fast foods

consumers though

Accept comma addition

consumers, though

, fast foods considered to be extremely unhealthy.

Moreover

, junk

food

is typically loaded with calories, sodium and saturated fats.

In other words

, fast

food

is low in nutrition.

Additionally

, due to change in lifestyle these days, children prefer to stay home playing computer games

instead

of playing on the streets with their peers which included much physical activity.

However

, on the bright side,

this

issue can be tackled in myriad ways.

first

preceding all others in time or space or degree

First

and foremost, governments should bring in serious regulations about

fast

Suggestion

the fast food industry

food

industry by limiting amounts of harmful ingredients which they use.

Secondly

, governments can impose skyrocketing taxes on fast

food

restaurants and reduce taxes on those restaurants that serve healthy dishes.

Moreover

, commercials and advertising that

encourage

Suggestion

encourages

people to have fast

food

should be limited. And

last

but not least, parents should convince their children to eat healthy dishes and cheer them up to exercise.

Suggestion

Too

Two

brief, without a doubt

obesity

is a

serious disturbing

Accept comma addition

serious, disturbing

trend that can certainly put humans' lives in peril.

However

, I strictly believe by changing our diet, we can easily avert the disadvantages of

obesity

Submitted by nahid.rezaiesadr on Wed May 13 2020

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

264 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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An increasing number of children are overweight which could result in many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and healthcare costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To with extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

in many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. do you think this is a positive or negative development

Some people opine that large outdoor public buildings should be built in cities and towns. Do you agree or disagree?

Many feel that students today should learn practical skills at school such as car maintenance and managing a bank account. To what extent do you agree or disagree?