IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

The bar chart below shows the hours per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester from 2002 to 2007 šŸ˜‚

The bar chart below shows the hours per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester from 2002 to 2007 šŸ˜‚
#bar #hours #week #teenagers #activities #chester
The bar chart illustrates how many
hours
 adolescents in Chester spent on several activities each week between 2002 and 2007.šŸ¤£
Overall
, the most popular activity over the period given was watching TV,
whereas
 bowling was the least favourite. Going to pubs and discos, watching TV and shopping all showed an increase in the number of
hours
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 spent on these activities. The other pursuits showed a decrease in
hours
, except watching
DVD's
Change noun form
DVDs
show examples
 which fluctuated.
Young
Correct article usage
The young
show examples
 generation spent 25
hours
 watching television in the initial year (2002) which increased to almost 40
hours
 per week in the final year (2007). Both going to pubs and discos, and shopping, more than doubled in
hours
 from over 5 to 15 in 2007.
While
 teenagers occupied 10
hours
 doing homework every week in 2002, the same figure dropped to just over 5
hours
 in 2007. Playing sports fell more dramatically from 10
hours
 to 3
hours
. Bowling was under 5
hours
 weekly throughout the entire period. The number of
hours
 teenagers dedicated to watching
DVD's
Change noun form
DVDs
show examples
 was only 10
hours
 in the initial and final years
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but reached a peak of over 15
hours
 in consecutive years 2004 and 2005.
Submitted by ayushraj304 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this siteā€™s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
ā–¼
Vocabulary: Replace the words hours with synonyms.
ā–¼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
ā–¼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
ā–¼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
ā–¼
Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 2 times.
ā–¼
Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 2 times.
ā–¼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
ā–¼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: