IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

in recent years life has become more stressful than it has ever been, As a consequence more and more people are sifferig from stress-related pron[blmes.What factors are contributing to this increase and what do yout think can be done to overcome the current problems.

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Many people think that
children
Use synonyms
 should obey their
parents
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others debate that teens should decide independently.
Although
Linking Words
 obeying
parents
Use synonyms
 is more advantageous for
child’s
Correct article usage
a child’s
show examples
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and
further
Linking Words
 life, I believe that thinking independently will enlarge
child’s
Correct article usage
a child’s
show examples
 world outlook and deal with facing challenges by themselves.
Firstly
Linking Words
, thinking independently makes
children
Use synonyms
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
develop their ideas toughly and
solving
Wrong verb form
solve
show examples
 problems without anybody’s support. Deciding freely and without pressure
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 helps
children
Use synonyms
 to develop their plans for the
future
Use synonyms
 by using
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 imagination and get prepared for upcoming challenges by working hard and creating new methods of developing
self-concept
Correct article usage
a self-concept
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
future
Use synonyms
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
. A good example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 can be the celebrated football players, who
decided
Wrong verb form
decide
show examples
 by themselves and
achieving
Wrong verb form
achieve
show examples
 more victories by thinking independently. If
children
Use synonyms
will
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not use their own imagination and
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 make plans for
Use synonyms
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
, they can fall into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
trouble easily or will face bankruptcy of business
due to
Linking Words
 not having
self-concept
Correct article usage
a self-concept
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, obeying
parents
Use synonyms
 and not having
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 decisions for
Use synonyms
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
existing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
will make
children
Use synonyms
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
face many problems and
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a lack of ideas.
Children
Use synonyms
 who are under the pressure of
parents
Use synonyms
 tend to be less active and they are forced to do what their
Use synonyms
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
 order,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
 they can get more experience by working with elder people.
For example
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 who are going to be doctors are encouraged to study history and geography by their
parents
Use synonyms
, so by not having self-interest
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 profession they will fail
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 because of not having interest and ideas about
this
Linking Words
 election of
parents
Use synonyms
. If
children
Use synonyms
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
do activities without their own concept they
are tend
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
 to waste their time by failing. In conclusion,
children
Use synonyms
 should have
independence
Correct article usage
the independence
show examples
of thinking
Change preposition
to think
show examples
 to aim
something
Change preposition
for something
show examples
 great and
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 accustomed
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 working without anybody’s help. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 should
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
both obey their
parents
Use synonyms
 and work independently in order to accomplish each profession or operation successfully.

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task achievement
The introduction would benefit from a clearer thesis statement that outlines the main arguments of your essay more specifically. This helps guide the reader on what to expect in your paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
When presenting your arguments, make sure to clearly link your ideas together. For instance, provide linking sentences that refer back to your main argument to create a smoother flow between points.
task achievement
In the supporting points, it may help to provide clearer, more detailed examples. For example, you mentioned football players; expanding on how their independence led to success would strengthen your argument.
content
You demonstrated a clear understanding of both sides of the argument, acknowledging the value of obedience to parents while emphasizing the importance of independent thinking.
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