In many societies, elderly people often live in retirement homes. This is not appropriate because families should always care for their ageing members. Do you agree or disagree with the above statement?

#societies #people #retirement #homes #families #care #members

Nowadays, many elderly people prefer to live in nursing homes after retirements.

However

, some people think that they should stay with their families as it is their responsibility to look after them. I partially agree with

this

statement and discuss about it in the essay.

To begin

with, individuals living in retirement homes often feel lonely there.

In other words

, they do not get to see their loved ones, and family-visits are not so frequent.

Moreover

, living in one's home is a wonderful thing as they get proper attention from the family members and love from their grandchildren.

For instance

, our grandparents lived with us, and my mother and father took care of them, and I often went to parks with them due to which they never felt alone while living with us.

Besides

this

, many times, the elders need special care which they do not get at these retirement homes.

This

is because there are other oldies living there too, and it is impossible for the nurses look after them individually.

Therefore

, these places are not perfect for the old-age individuals.

However

, things have changed now, and maximum couples are working;

thus

, they have to live alone the maximum time as nobody is available to them.

Furthermore

, many people become tender with ageing, and they become dependent on others for petty things.

Therefore

, it is not easy to manage everything at the houses in

such

conditions. In conclusion,

although

old-age homes are not the perfect places for elderly people, it is the responsibility of the families to serve them. While

this

might not be possible at all the times as sometimes it is difficult to provide them with proper care due to today's working culture.

Submitted by ashi.rajput39 on Fri May 15 2020

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

286 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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