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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the hours per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester from 2002 to 2007.

The bar chart below shows the hours per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester from 2002 to 2007.
#bar #hours #week #teenagers #activities #chester
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The bar chart below shows the hours per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester from 2002 to 2007. The bar chart illustrates the leisure hours spend on seven different activities by adolescents in Chester
a
Change preposition
in a
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six year
Add a hyphen
six-year
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 period, commencing from 2002.
Overall
,
young
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a young
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adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
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 who spend hours at the pub, shopping, watching TV and DVDs increased over six years observed,
whereas
 an invert pattern was shown in doing homework,
play
Wrong verb form
playing
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 sport, and bowling activities. In detail, the majority of teenagers spent
the
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their
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 leisure time
by
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apply
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watching TV, 25
watcher
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watchers
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 in 2002-2003 and
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it
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its
Replace the word
it's
it is
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 rose remarkably to about 37 in 2007. The number of adolescents doing homework and sport were similar.
However
, sport is less preferred by
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
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 than
homework
Correct article usage
the homework
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 sector in 2007.
Moreover
, roughly 10 young adults
watching
Wrong verb form
watched
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 DVDs in 2002 and in the following 5
years
Add a comma
,years
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 the amount of DVDs
watcher
Correct your spelling
watched
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were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 almost identical to that of 2002. Pubs and shopping people were in a range between 7 and 17 over the period.
On the contrary
,
young
Add an article
a young
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adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
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 who played bowling dropped gradually from 4 in 2002 to 1 in the final year.
Submitted by fernnizz.r on

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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