With the help of the internet and television, many people are becoming famous. Is it a positive or negative trend? Include examples.

An increasing number of
people
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are using media (
television
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and
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internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
) to gain popularity and attract mass
attraction
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attention
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, nowadays. I consider it a positive development because it provides an opportunity for the general public to portray their artistic work and talents.
However
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, there are a few drawbacks to
this
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technology that should be kept in mind. It is granted that
television
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and the
internet
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have brought a lot of benefits to mankind, but their inadvertent use to grab the attention of the general public has brought forward various social issues. Many
a
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apply
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times, to film a daunting act and upload it on the
internet
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for appraisal and fame,
people
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have lost their lives.
For instance
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, I came across a recent report in which a young boy in Pakistan lay in front of a train and died in an attempt to make a video of his act and upload it on the
internet
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.
Hence
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, the popularity can urge immature minds to do certain acts
costing
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that cost
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their precious lives.
However
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, it is beyond any doubt that
television
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and the
internet
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are playing a remarkable role in the acknowledgement of the artistic effort of talented
people
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. The recognition of real talents and earning fame was not that easy in the
pre-
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pre-Internet
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internet
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era.
People
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had to travel across the globe spreading
a
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the
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word about their inventions and extraordinary work. But with the advent of the
internet
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and
television
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, it is quite feasible to upload
such
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masterpieces on the
internet
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and attract
the
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apply
show examples
public attention.
For example
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, it took a
huge
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long
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time to Pablo Picasso to become an eminent artist. Had he been living in the era of the
internet
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and
television
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, he would have achieved the same glory
,
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apply
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much earlier in his life. 
Furthermore
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, a recent famous
television
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documentary about a boy who belonged to a remote tribe
,
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apply
show examples
is another example. That young mind, without any schooling, invented how to create electricity and
then
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used it to add light to the gloomy nights of his fellow tribesmen. Indeed, his extraordinary artistic work would have gone unnoticed
,
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apply
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had he been living in
the
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apply
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historical times.
To conclude
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, despite a few drawbacks, I think that
the
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apply
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television
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and social media are playing a great role in portraying the outstanding performance and talents of
the
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apply
show examples
people
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. It is,
however
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, suggested that the authorities should devise effective
television
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and
internet
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checks to avoid their misuse.

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task
Make your view clear in the first sentence and keep it in each paragraph. Right now, your view is present but not strong from the start.
coherence
In each paragraph, start with a clear main idea. Then add reasoning or proof to support it.
coherence
Explain how each example shows your point. Connect the example to your view so the reader sees the link.
content
You use real life examples to back your point.
balance
You show both good and bad sides of media fame.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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