One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#consequences #care #people #life #expectancy #development

Development of the medical care system led to finding the ways of living longer and increasing the life expectancy. Despite the growing population has detrimental effects on our environment, I believe that people will consume natural resources in a wide and appropriate way. In my opinion, the results of the contemporary

medicine

are one of the breakthrough of humanity, and it has more merits than faults. A great benefit of

developed

Suggestion

developmental

medicine

is that it helps people to keep healthy and prevent deadly diseases.

Also

advanced technologies in

medicine

solved problems of disabled people, and it gave them new opportunities to work and be equal with people. Report of United Nations claims that the number of older people in the world, especially in Germany, France, Japan, the USA consists fifteen percent of the population. It’s the significant index of good medical care system. I think that a vast mass of older people and their presence positively impact on our lives, since they always share with experiences and helps to nurturing of our generation.

On the other hand

, the world’s human population has reached 7.8 billion people and destructive impact on the earth. The climate change and starvation are relevant problems of today.

For example

, in the South Africa two percent of people are

died

Suggestion

dying

ever per day due to the hunger, and Australia have suffered deforestation recently which was caused by global warming.

However

, I reckon that countries will able to overcome problems associated with global warming and nutrition. Advanced medical care system affords to people to live longer and increase lifespan. Despite the influence on humanity

is paradoxically

Accept comma addition

is, paradoxically

, it has a menace effect on our earth. To sum up, I think that improved

medicine

is more advantageous than disadvantageous.

Submitted by zhakan94 on Sun May 17 2020

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

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Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
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Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

290 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

life expectancy
elderly population
health care systems
pension funds
extended family relationships
quality of life
aging population
economic growth
volunteer work
expertise
financial planning
retirement
age-related diseases
medical research
healthier lifestyles

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One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Fully explain your ideas

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones.Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

As more and more information is available online, the role of textbooks has become obsolete. Therefore, universities should replace traditional books with digital materials. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Most companies and organizations requires their employees to wear uniforms to work. what are the jobs that need uniform? what are the disadvantages of wearing uniforms to work?

Many people send and receive emails in business and in their personal life. Do the advantages of using the email outweigh the disadvantages?